When I forgive, I want to confront the person who hurt me. If I do not confront, then I feel as if my forgiving is incomplete. Just having positive thoughts and feelings and even behaviors is not enough. The other has to change for me to forgive. Do you agree?

I agree that it is important for the other to change if the goal is a genuine, trusting reconciliation. I disagree if the initial goal is to exercise the moral virtue of forgiveness.  Your statement suggests to me that you want justice and that is a good thing.  Yet, justice and forgiveness are not the same thing.  Try to realize that confrontation is a form of justice-seeking.  I recommend forgiving before the justice-seeking so that the confrontation is not harsh.  Exercising justice after forgiveness can result in a better justice-seeking and a better justice outcome.

For additional information, see What is Forgiveness?

Please follow and like us: