Author Archive: directorifi

What Is The “Ask Dr. Forgiveness” Section of Our Blog?

Some people have begun to ask about the section of our blog entitled, “Ask Dr. Forgiveness.”  This was started because of questions we would get from people who are curious about a particular aspect of forgiveness.

We get these questions from all over the world and try to answer them in a timely fashion.  We never identify the name of the person asking.

The questions, as you will see if you visit this section, are very wide-ranging and can be a way for you, the reader, to deepen your views of forgiveness.

You also should feel free to disagree and to offer commentary if you wish.

Please feel free to ask a question for Ask Dr. Forgiveness.  It could prove to be of considerable worth to others.

Robert 

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I have started to forgive, but sometimes my anger gets the better of me. I get so angry that I lose focus. What would you recommend?

I would recommend first being aware of the increase in your anger and the degree to which this is happening. Then I would reflect on how the anger itself is compromising you and your health in particular. This can be a motivation to exercise your strong will to continue forgiving. As you continue to persevere in forgiving, then the anger will not be controlling you, but you will be in control of your anger.

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Spring Cleaning for Your Wounded Heart

…….if when you look inside, you are tired;

…….if when you look inside you do not like yourself anymore;

…….if when you look inside you find rust where you used to see sparkle;

…….if when you look inside you no longer find hope…….

Please know this…….

Forgiveness is your energizer;.

Forgiveness is your self-esteem bolster;.

Forgiveness is your emotional rust-inhibitor;.

Forgiveness gives you hope.

Come, together, let us do some spring cleaning of your heart.

The first step is this: Commit to forgiving, to reducing resentment and offering goodness toward those who have cluttered the rooms of your heart.

The second step is this: Commit to doing no harm to those who have soiled your inner world and did not stay around long enough to clean up after themselves.

Forgiveness will be your servant. Forgiveness will make tidy the rooms of your heart.

Robert

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I have begun conversations with someone with whom I have been estranged for about a year. She claims that she wants to forgive and reconcile, but I so often see non-verbal cues such as frowns and even rolled-eyes coming at me. What part of the forgiveness process should I engage when this happens?

I would recommend starting at the beginning and seeing your frustration or anger and then move through the entire process again. This may occur more quickly and with deeper results when you begin again. Only after you have worked through the forgiveness process to some degree might you consider gently talking with her about the discrepancy between her words of forgiving and her non-verbal cues that she is not forgiving.

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Have any of your research participants simply dropped out of the forgiveness process because it was taking too long?

Actually, no, we have not experienced that in our over-twenty-five-years of doing forgiveness interventions. Once people are motivated to try forgiveness and we give them help that encourages them, they keep going until they have forgiven, at least forgave to a degree. Progress in forgiving can help people want even more restored emotional health.

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