I am in an ongoing relationship with a man who is basically good, but he tends to be subtly snide, kind of doing a slow burn so often. How can I forgive him when he keeps being mildly insensitive over and over and over again?
It sounds as if his behavior is annoying but not harmful based on what you say. If he were abusive, this is different from being “subtly snide” or “mildly insensitive.” Please keep in mind that forgiveness does not mean that you throw justice out the window. You can forgive and keep working with him on how he communicates, with an eye toward mutual respect in the communication.
All of that said, it is important to realize that forgiveness in this context is very important as a way for your resentments not to become too deep. Try to forgive as soon as he is insensitive and try to make this an ongoing habit. It is more difficult to forgive, I find, when people have offended us multiple times. The 20th time is harder than the first time because we expect it to end and when it does not, anger can build. So, the steady practice of forgiveness can be a counter to his steady “mild” insensitivity. In other words, forgiveness can be a protection for you and, with reduced resentment, a means of helping you to ask for justice in a positive way.
