Archive for December, 2014
Yuma Sun, Yuma, Arizona – The mother of a 14-year-old girl who was struck and killed by a hit-and-run driver as the girl was skateboarding home in August 2013 says she has forgiven the driver.
Sandy Garcia spoke earlier this month at the sentencing hearing for Edgar Borquez, the driver of the car in that fatal crash. Garcia told Borquez that despite the loss of her daughter, Mary Rodriguez, she forgives Borquez for what he did and that she will continue praying for him in the hope that he can one day become a better person.
“I want you to know that I truly, truly don’t hate you. I forgive you with all my heart and with all that I am,” Garcia said. “I hope that gives you the peace to move on, never forgetting what you did, so you can grow from it and learn from it. Don’t let this be in vain.”
Mary Rodriguez’s father, Julio Rodriguez, and her stepfather Mario Garcia also spoke during the sentencing, both telling Borquez that they had also forgiven him and hope he can change his life for the better.
Afterward, Borquez was sentenced to 12 years in prison. He had pleaded guilty to a count of second-degree murder last month in a plea agreement.
I have been fascinated with your blog posts on “Barriers to Forgiveness.” Can you choose the biggest barrier? Do you think there is one major barrier we need to see and fight against?
The biggest barrier to forgiveness, I think, is pride. Pride clouds our vision so we do not see clearly. Pride inhibits our behavior so that we do not act correctly. Pride obscures our feelings so that we feel a sense of entitlement rather than humility, a call for retribution or even revenge rather than love. Pride does not allow us to move forward in the forgiveness process.
I was the victim of abuse in a relationship I never should have entered into. No one does anything to warrant abuse. Yet, I do wonder about self-forgiveness in this context. Maybe I should have seen the signs before entering so deeply into this disaster of a relationship. Even though I am not guilty of any abuse back to the other, do you think I should try to forgive myself for my stupidity of poor judgment?
Whether or not to self-forgive in the context you describe may depend on the answer to this question: Do you feel guilty in any way? If the answer is “yes,” then the next question is whether or not this is genuine guilt or a false form of it. Sometimes, we falsely accuse ourselves and upon further examination, we realize that we did nothing wrong. If there is a sense of genuine guilt, then there likely is a sense of wrong-doing. What is the wrong-doing? Try to be specific. You say that you should have seen the signs of a poor relationship coming. Yet, you did nothing intentionally wrong here. As you call it, stupidity is not a deliberate intention to do wrong. And sometimes we just do not see tragic flaws in others until we know them in the greater depth of a marriage, for example. So, are you experiencing genuine guilt? If so, forgive yourself. If you did nothing objectively wrong with a bad intention, I would recommend that you try to be gentle with yourself, to be merciful toward yourself, but not necessarily in a context of self-forgiveness in which you see, acknowledge, and correct a moral wrong within yourself.
Suppose that each of us had a little red light on the top of our heads. Further suppose that whenever we are feeling beaten down by the injustice of another, that little red light started to blink.
What do you think? Do you think there then would be mercy in the world as we, each of us, responded to the one whose light-of-pain was going off?
We all kind of hide behind a veneer of civility—well dressed, well mannered….and sometimes dying even a little bit inside.
No one sees the “dying even a little bit inside” because it is hidden. Others really do not want to see it……It is an inconvenience to see it.
Yet, it is there…..for all of us at one time or another.
That little blinking red light would be a sign to us that we are all hurting. It would be a concrete sign that mercy is necessary….even more so than civility.
That little red light would be our teacher….and perhaps soften our hearts…..and help us to learn that offering mercy should be our first response, not our last one after we all dress up in our finery, with our impeccable manners…..that keep the hurting invisible to us.
Try to see that little blinking red light on the top of each person’s head today even if it is not there. Try to see it anyway.
PRWire (Australia and New Zealand’s leading news distribution service) – After years of trying to come to terms with the 2012 brutal killing of her 72-year-old father, Australian businesswoman Sue Henry says she was compelled to develop the I Forgive You mobile app to help others dealing with grief or personal upheaval.
Using her personal experience in dealing with the emotions of grief and anger and finally letting go, Henry created the I forgive you app which helps users to express their thoughts on forgiveness, or to share their love, declare their gratitude, make apologies or just simply tell someone they care.
“I never imagined the knowledge I gained in coming to terms with my father’s tragic death would completely change my outlook on life,” said Henry. “In honour of his memory I decided to share my experience with others to possibly help them find peace in their own lives.”
The free app offers an easy to navigate menu that includes FORGIVENESS, LOVE, GRATITUDE, APOLOGY, and THOUGHTFULNESS. The user has the option of sharing their thoughts with a partner, friend or family member via email and can even choose to receive a return message of encouragement and support.
NOTE: The International Forgiveness Institute has neither tested nor used the I Forgive You App and this news article is not intended to be an endorsement of the product.