Archive for April, 2021

How to Find a Therapist Who Has Forgiveness Therapy Training

Because Forgiveness Therapy interventions are becoming standard practice for more and more psychologists and others in the helping professions, the demand for the International Forgiveness Institute’s (IFI) Forgiveness Therapy Continuing Education Course continues to grow. As far as we know, the IFI course is currently the only one available that provides in-depth training for forgiveness therapy so those who have completed the course are a unique group of trailblazing professionals. Our course is based on the clinical manual also called Forgiveness Therapy that is authored by IFI co-founder Dr. Robert Enright (a licensed psychologist) and Dr. Richard Fitzgibbons, an MD and a psychiatrist.

Those who successfully complete the course receive a completion certificate from the IFI that can be displayed in clinics and offices alongside other professional credentials. Those individuals may also, of course, advertise their forgiveness expertise in their clinical promotions and printed materials. That means the best way to find a therapist who has trained with the IFI is to ask the practitioner if he or she has undertaken forgiveness therapy training and, if so, who provided that training. Don’t be afraid to ask for documentation of that training (i.e., an IFI Certificate of Completion).

The best advice we can give on finding a therapist is to follow the step-by-step guidance we provide on our website in the section called “Find a Helping Professional.” There you will be able to access valuable fact sheets like “How to Choose a Psychologist” and “How Do I Find a Therapist Near Me?” If you think online therapy might be a viable option to consider, you will find guidance in our article “Reasons to Choose an Online Therapist.” More importantly, that page of our website includes links to three different reputable agencies, including the American Psychological Association, that provide no-cost services to help you locate a helping professional by geographic area or practice area. You’ll find all that at our “Find a Helping Professional” section.


 

Please follow and like us:

How do I find a therapist who has trained with IFI?

Thank you for your question. Because Forgiveness Therapy interventions are becoming standard practice for more and more psychologists and others in the helping professions, the demand for our Forgiveness Therapy Continuing Education Course continues to grow. As far as we know, our course is currently the only one available that provides in-depth training for forgiveness therapy so those who have completed the course are a unique group of trailblazing professionals. Our course is based on the clinical manual also called Forgiveness Therapy and authored by me (a licensed psychologist) and my co-author, Dr. Richard Fitzgibbons, an MD and a psychiatrist.

Those who successfully complete the course receive a completion certificate from the International Forgiveness Institute (IFI) that can be displayed in clinics and offices alongside other professional credentials. Those individuals may also, of course, advertise their forgiveness expertise in their clinical promotions and printed materials. That means the best way to find a therapist who has trained with the IFI is to ask the practitioner if he or she has undertaken forgiveness therapy training and, if so, who provided that training. Don’t be afraid to ask for documentation of that training (i.e., an IFI Certificate of Completion).

The best advice we can give on finding a therapist is to follow the step-by-step guidance we provide on our website in the section called “Find a Helping Professional.” There you will be able to access valuable fact sheets like “How to Choose a Psychologist” and “How Do I Find a Therapist Near Me?” If you think online therapy might be a viable option to consider, you will find guidance in our article “Reasons to Choose an Online Therapist.” More importantly, that page of our website includes links to three different reputable agencies, including the American Psychological Association, that provide no-cost services to help you locate a helping professional by geographic area or practice area. You’ll find all that at our “Find a Helping Professional” section.

Please follow and like us:

What do you do when you’ve done all you can?

I’d like to share something which greatly helped me on a day where the struggle to forgive was especially difficult.

To distract myself from my pain, I watched the Netflix show Voices of Fire. It’s a documentary about creating a culturally/racially/ethnically inclusive gospel choir.

I watched a man sing Donnie McClurkin’s “Stand” (see lyrics and song link below) and this helped me find the strength to continue my struggle against resentment.

Although I have been familiar with Gospel music, as a Caucasian/agnostic, I hadn’t felt it’s relevance. It turns out this was a missing piece to help fill my emotional skills gap in my pursuit of forgiveness.

When I begin to lose my grip on forgiveness, I can now listen to the song and it helps me maintain my strength in my struggle to forgive and seek justice. I hope it may be of help to others.

Thank you to Dr. Enright and the IFI for your work and your generosity toward us imperfect humans.

Ann K.

Editor’s Note: Ann lives on a farm outside Madison, Wisconsin USA. She spends her time “trying to find creative solutions to being a better version of my fallible self. My goal each week is to be the person you had fun with in the grocery store check-out line or who invited you to dance in a crosswalk.”

 

 

 

 

 

[Verse]
What do you do
when you’ve done all you can
And it seems like it’s never enough?
And what do you say
when your friends turn away,
and you’re all alone?
Tell me, what do you give
When you’ve given your all,
and it seems like
you can’t make it through?

[Hook 1]
Well you just stand
when there’s nothing left to do
you just stand
Watch the lord see you through
Yes after you done all you can,
You just stand

[Verse 2]
Tell me,
how do you handle the guilt of your past?
Tell me, how do you deal with the shame?
And how can you smile
while your heart has been broken
and filled with pain?
Tell me what do you give
when you’ve given your all
Seems like you can’t make it through?

[Hook 2]
Child you just stand,
when there’s nothing left to do
You just stand
Watch the Lord see you through
Yes, after you’ve done all you can
You just stand.

[Hook 3]
Stand and be sure
Be not entangled in that bondage again
You just stand, and endure.
God has a purpose.
Yes, God has a plan.

[Verse 3]
Tell me what do you do
when you’ve done all you can
And it seems like you can’t make it through
Child you just stand
You just stand
Stand ( 2x’s)

Don’t you dare give up (You Just)
Through the storm (Stand), Stand through the rain (Stand)
Through the hurt (Stand), jet through the pain (You just)
Don’t you bow (stand), and don’t bend (Stand)
Don’t give up (Stand) , no, don’t give in (You just)
Hold on, (Stand) just be strong (Stand)
God will step in (Stand), and it won’t be long (You just)

[Last Hook]
After you done all you can (After you done all you can)
After you done all you can (After you done all you can
After you gone through the hurt (After you done all you can)
After you gone through the pain (After you done all you can)
After you gone through the storm (After you done all you can)
After you gone through the rain (After you done all you can)

Prayed and cried (2x’s) (After you done all you can)
Prayed and you’ve cry(After you done all you can)
Prayed and cry

After you done all you can you just stand

Visit Donnie McClurkin’s website.


 

Please follow and like us:

NBA Head Coach Urges Forgiveness for Driver Who Caused Death of His Wife

Anyone who follows the National Basketball Association (NBA) will know that Monty Williams is the head coach of the Phoenix Suns. What they might not know is that when Williams delivered the eulogy for his wife who was killed in a head-on car crash five years ago, he urged forgiveness and prayers for the driver who took his wife’s life and injured three of his children.

Phoenix Suns Head Coach Monty Williams

Williams and his wife Ingrid, 44, had been married for 20 years before she died on Feb. 10, 2016, from injuries sustained a day earlier in that crash. The car Ingrid was driving was struck head-on by an SUV that was traveling at 88-92 mph in a 40-mph zone and which crossed the center line after losing control. The other driver, Susannah Donaldson, died instantly in the collision.

Instead of blaming Donaldson, Williams used the death of his wife to preach forgiveness. At Ingrid’s memorial service, Williams delivered a powerful seven-minute eulogy in which he advocated forgiveness for Donaldson and prayers for her family.

“The most important thing we need to understand is that everybody is praying for me and my family,” Williams said at Ingrid’s funeral. “But let us not forget that there were two people in this situation and that family needs prayer as well. We have no ill-will toward the Donaldson family.”

Ingrid Elaine Williams 1971-2016

The memorial service for Ingrid was attended by more than 900 people. Ingrid and Monty met while both attended Notre Dame where she competed in track and field and where Monty was a 6’8″ tall basketball star. At the time of the deadly crash, their five children ranged in age from 5 to 17.

“In my house, we have a sign that says, ‘As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord,’” Williams said. “We cannot serve the Lord if we don’t have a heart of forgiveness. Let’s not lose sight of what’s important and let’s not lose sight of that family that also lost someone they love.”

Just a year after his wife’s tragic death, Williams received the inaugural Sager Strong Award presented by the NBA to an individual who has been “a trailblazer while exemplifying courage, faith, compassion and grace.” Williams’ career in the NBA has spanned more than two decades with nine seasons as a player before serving as a coach or assistant for five different NBA teams. He became head coach of the Phoenix Suns in May 2019. He was also an assistant coach to Mike Krzyzewski (Duke University) for the men’s national basketball team that won the Gold Medal for the United States at the 2016 Summer Olympics in Rio De Janeiro, Brazil.

Watch the full seven-minute eulogy by Monty Williams.


 

Please follow and like us:

How can I forgive in extreme cases?

Something was done to you, your family or friends. The experience is so serious that the pain associated with it does not seem to end. Do you hope that the culprit will be punished and wish him a dark future? You cannot forgive him for the deed, then you suffer too much for it? But is this attitude beneficial for you and your mental health?

“Forgive me!” Is a sentence that many people find difficult to say. The person forgives you and you experience grace? Okay, then you’ll feel better. But what does it actually mean to forgive? And isn’t an excuse basically the same? Doesn’t there have to be an apology first so that it can be given? Everyone can apologize if they wish. You want to get rid of the accusation of guilt. However, those who apologize must wait if the request will be accepted. This means that the apology will not take effect until it is accepted. For this reason, the formulations are usually designed in such a way that they also require an answer. “I’m sorry. Do you accept my apology?” would be a possible variant.

Forgiveness is possible without an excuse

However, forgiveness does not depend on the offender who asks for relief. Forgiveness is a mental inner process that is decided by the person concerned. Forgiving someone does not have to be said. This way you can forgive someone without the perpetrator even knowing. The forgiveness is essentially a decision by the victim to whom the damage has been done. In general, forgiveness seems to symbolize greater acceptance of debt relief. Because forgiveness is preceded by the fact that the person concerned has worked intensively with this intention. And this form of forgiveness can also be done without prior excuse. However, excuses are also accepted to ensure peace. This is particularly the case with family matters. Apologies are accepted, although you don’t really want to accept this decision. In this case, family problems have a higher priority. Even in relationships, apologies are sometimes accepted half-heartedly. Maintaining the partnership is then more important.

But sometimes it seems impossible to forgive the guilty. Why is that? The pain that the person has experienced wants to be compensated. So the culprit should suffer just like you. He should live with his guilty conscience and suffer from it. The guilty person’s wish to be relieved of this burden is rejected. So it’s also a form of punishment that goes with it.

Unforgivability and the mental consequences

Many people believe that it is right not to forgive. In a sense, it’s also a form of vigilante justice. But many don’t know what it means to hold on to anger, resentment and hatred. You will never be able to get rid of it if you cannot forgive. Even years after the event, you still carry these negative vibrations with you. Some people harden mentally. You lose vitality and lightness. If you don’t forgive, you end up hurting yourself.

Extreme cases of revenge and forgiveness

In extreme cases, it is not enough to decide never to forgive the culprit. The emotional injury and pain is so great that feelings of revenge arise. And in some cases the revenge is actually implemented. Apparently one believes that with this act one experiences a relief of the pain.

Marianne Bachmeier

The Bachmeier case is an example of this. In 1981 Marianne Bachmeier shoots the alleged murderer of her seven-year-old daughter Anna in the courtroom. The case went down in history as a prime example of vigilante justice. We can now ask ourselves whether Ms. Bachmeier has become happy. Did the pain of losing her daughter disappear after she shot the perpetrator? We’ll leave the answer open. The fact is that Marianne Bachmeier died of cancer in 1996.

Dianne B. Collard

The opposite example is Dianne B. Collard, whose son was shot in 1992. The American woman renounced revenge and forgave the murderer. In an interview, she announced that forgiveness is an inner healing for her. She got rid of the bitterness and could finally mourn her son. She explained that forgiveness is not a feeling for her, but a decision of the will. She deliberately chose to suppress resentment and bitterness. She has probably found that this approach is helpful for her future quality of life. Faith helped her choose forgiveness and revenge.

Both examples are very interesting and probably anyone with children can understand the strength of such decisions.

Forgiveness does not erase the deed

Many people believe that forgiveness is viewed as reversed or relativized. But that’s not what forgiveness is about. It is not possible to deny something that has taken place. Forgiveness means that you agree to remove your resentment, hatred, or anger. This can sometimes lead to misunderstandings when a former friend is forgiven. He believes that with this forgiveness the friendly level is active again. However, this is not always the case and sometimes not possible. If a breach of trust triggers a forgiven argument, a new friendship (reconciliation) can be difficult.

Forgiveness does not automatically create trust. And the question arises whether this is still desirable. Because those who have had such experiences can banish the perpetrator from their own lives. Because the fear that such a scenario will repeat itself is predominant.

Dianne B. Collard also forgave the perpetrator, but will probably never be able to make friends with him. The severity of the emotional injury is too great to be overcome. Dianne B. Collard also believes that the punishment the perpetrator has to serve in prison is correct. Because the act of forgiveness is a mental process and does not mean that the act is declared null and void.

Forgive yourself

Forgiving other people can be a mental process that is not necessarily easy. But forgiving yourself is the master class in forgiveness. Remorse and guilt that gnaw at you prevent you from forgiving yourself. You are disappointed in yourself, so you punish yourself with it. This phenomenon occurs particularly often when a loved one has died. Immediately you ask yourself what you could have done differently to avoid the death. Even if your reasoning seems so absurd, you take on a form of guilt. It seems mentally better to endure declaring a guilty person than accepting an inevitable fate. If no one else is found, you look for the blame on yourself. It is extremely important to forgive yourself. You admit that you are a person who makes mistakes.

Persistent guilt doesn’t change the situation. For you, this means that you carry a constant burden around me. At the same time, you always face this negative vibration of your own guilt. Compassion for yourself is then practically eliminated. At such a stage, you should make sure that the condition does not degenerate into self-loathing. However, if you regret what happened and plan to do something different in the future, you are free internally. This sets you in motion bitterness, inner hardness and a self-directed attitude.

About the Author:
The author El Maya is a spiritual medium, clairvoyant and karma expert. She has published several books about soul, life plan, karma and life after death. This guide literature contains strategies to reduce your karma and find the soul center. Learn more at her website: Hellseher – Wahrsager und Karma Experten @Knowing Portal.

Reference source:

Please follow and like us:

CORONA VIRUS MUSIC VIDEO

CORONA VIRUS MUSIC VIDEO

x