I am a product of the 1970’s when strong women were encouraged to assert themselves. I can’t say that I bought into all the hype, but a part of that is still with me. When I think of being assertive and forgiving at the same time, they seem at odds with each other. Can one forgive and be assertive at the same time?

Yes, one can be assertive and forgive at the same time. When you forgive, please realize that you should not ignore justice. Forgive and stand up for yourself. Yet, if you can practice forgiveness first and let some of your anger subside (if you are angry in these kinds of situations), then your assertiveness through justice-seeking is likely to be better. In other words, you are more likely to ask for only that which is necessary and not, out of anger, take a “pound of flesh” from the other person. When we are less angry we are likely to be more civil.

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