Forgiveness Places the Burden of Change on the Victim When It Is the Offender Who Should Change
This issue is a confusion of what forgiveness is and what it accomplishes. Forgiveness is not a moral virtue centered on justice. Justice solves problems. Forgiveness deals with the sometimes difficult aftermath of injustices. Forgiveness addresses the consequences of injustice. By so doing, this does not make forgiveness a usurper of a just response. Forgiveness as a response to injustice and the seeking of a better justice can and should exist side-by-side.
Robert
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I have heard this criticism of forgiveness. It is as if the criticizer thinks that we all think this: If only the forgiver can alter his perception somehow all will be well. This makes no sense to me. Forgiveness does nothing to right the wrong and people need to hear that. Forgiveness is powerful in righting the emotional harm done by the wrong.
Thank you for this. Those of us who have been deeply hurt by others too often hear the message, “But just change your attitude.” It is as if when we are feeling rotten inside then it is our fault and all we have to do is get over it. You are saying that it is not true. I needed to hear that today.
Forgiveness is given a bad reputation when people insist that forgiveness is somehow a path to righting a wrong. Forgiveness never demands that a person change and forgiveness is never expected to then right a wrong once a person forgives. Keeping these points squarely in mind helps us to honor forgiveness rather than to falsely condemn it.
It seems so easy to misunderstand forgiveness. It is a delicate concept. Your rational thought on this vital concept is invaluable. Many people can be enlightened by the light of this website.