Author Archive: doctorbobenright
On a Steadfast Heart
Stand when you are treated unfairly, knowing that the other has created disorder.
Stand so that you do not become a part of that disorder.
Forgive so that you put love into a situation that could break you, that could make you disordered.
Love persistently so that you put goodness back into a world that is tempting you toward anger and bitterness.
Wait for love to come to you and keep your heart soft through forgiveness so that you are able to receive that love when it is offered to you.
Robert
Helpful Forgiveness Hint When Forgiveness Is Difficult for You
We need to change your view of who you are as a person if you have been stuck in unforgiveness and are discouraged. The world will tell you that you are less than you should be if your loved ones reject you. Do not listen to the world. I have seen that it is all too easy to condemn yourself when others first condemn you. Fight against that, starting now.
Who are you as a person? You are someone who has inherent worth even when you struggle in life. You are someone who is special, unique, and irreplaceable even if you have unhealthy anger in your heart. You are not—-you are not—-a failure at forgiveness. Remember that forgiveness is a process and this takes time. Please do not be harsh on yourself if you are struggling with the process. How you are doing in this process today is not an indication of where you will be in this process one month from now. Who are you?
Robert
The Forgiveness Path Is Not a Straight Line
If you are like the rest of us, when you begin to forgive another person you will start and stop and start again a number of times before you arrive, safe, at the journey’s end, confident that you have forgiven. You will be making great progress and then have a dream about the person and wake up angry all over again. You will think you have conquered, only to meet the person who hurts you again, and there is the anger. Or, it is the holiday season and you reflect back on your life hoping for peace and instead get a piece of the person’s own anger, and once again you are angry. The forgiveness path is like this and so please be gentle with yourself.
Robert
I just do not have the confidence to forgive one of my parents from issues of long ago. I keep telling myself that I will not be able to get it done. What can you suggest to me that might boost my confidence?
First, I suggest that you look back on your life to concrete examples of your forgiving others. Have you had at least one successful attempt in your past? If so, you have shown yourself that you can forgive.
Even if you have never forgiven someone, you can start now with someone who is easier to forgive than your father. Try to recall someone who has hurt you in the past, but who has not hurt you severely. Start the forgiveness process with him or her and keep at it until you have forgiven. Once you succeed with this person, then try another, again who has not hurt you gravely.
Once you have successfully practiced forgiveness on these two people, keep in mind the path that you walked and now apply it to your father. The practice may give you the confidence you need.
What Finding Meaning in Suffering Is Not
When you find meaning in your life and in the suffering that you endured you are not doing any of the following:
You are not denying anger, grief, or disappointment because of what happened to you. It did happen and your negative response is what we all go through. To find meaning is not to put the pillow over your head and hope the pain goes away.
When you find meaning you are not playing games with yourself by say, “Oh well, I can just make the best of what happened to me.” Yes, you can make the best of what happened, but if this is your meaning in what you have suffered, you are not going after that woundedness inside of you. The “oh, well” approach is so passive. We need a more active approach to the pain.
When you find meaning you do not sugar-coat the injustice and distort reality by saying, “All things happen for good reasons and so I will try to see the good in what was done to me.” Let us be honest: Maybe there was not any good in the injustice itself. What you learn from it will have goodness, but the event itself? Maybe you will find no good in that injustice against you and that is all right.
Robert
