Author Archive: doctorbobenright
How obligated am I to forgive if a co-worker, who did wrong and offended me, keeps asking me to forgive her? I am angry and just not ready to forgive.
Because forgiveness is an act of mercy (as is giving money to charity, for example), you are not obligated in a moral sense to forgive her right now for what she did. Our acts of mercy are freely given, and when we choose to do so. The fact that you are asking the question suggests that you are open to forgiveness when you are less angry. If this is the case, then you might consider letting your colleague know that you will be taking this seriously but need a little time. Part of her obligation now is to give you that time. If you do decide to forgive and get to the point that you are wishing her well (one sign that you have made progress in forgiving, which is based on the wisdom of the late Lewis Smedes), you could at that point let her know that you forgive her. These words would be part of your forgiveness process and so should be delivered with humility rather with a sense of triumph or superiority.
Erika – EMP
Hello Every One,
I was encouraged by Professor Robert Enright to share my story here… At full length you can read about it in my debut book, It Is Forgiven by EMP.
“I was a bullied child. I was a rape victim. I was a battered woman. I was a betrayed daughter and goddaughter. I was a refugee. But I am a survivor. In this memoir, I share my life’s journey, my hopes, my dreams, and my darkest moments. I share the details about my upbringing in Hungary, my tormented childhood and teen years, my introduction to the man who would become my abuser, and my move to a foreign country.
It Is Forgiven recounts my experiences of domestic violence, emotional and sexual abuse, and years and years of betrayal. It examines how one horrific event led to another and how the abuse escalated in both frequency and violence. Even though I was a battered woman I had the courage to save myself and my two beautiful baby’s that are my life! My hope is that with my book I would inspire and encourage other women that may be facing similar circumstances and to speak out instead of suffering in silence.”
I would be honoured if you would find an interest in reading my book, which is available here. Thank you!
The School as Forgiving Community
How can we pass forgiveness to subsequent generations? We began asking that question in our blog post The Ripple Effect on April 10, 2012. We answered in part through our post about the ‘family as a forgiving community’ (April 14, 2012). We continue here with a focus on schools as transmitters of forgiveness knowledge and practice.
Our group began forgiveness education in Belfast, Northern Ireland in 2002, as a preventive approach to emotional and relational healing for people in contentious regions of the world. Our intent in the short-run is to reduce resentment, which can build up in children who are faced with continual injustices in their immediate environments. Our intent in the long-run is to equip students with such a deep knowledge and practice of forgiveness that they can and will effectively implement forgiveness in their homes, places of worship, jobs, communities, and even the wider community which includes those with whom they are experiencing conflict. It is our expectation that such deep knowledge and practice of forgiveness will go far in mending conflicts, even those which have been entrenched in communities for centuries.
We began with first grade (Primary 3 in Belfast) classrooms because from a developmental perspective it is here that children begin to think logically, in terms of causes and consequences, and simple deductions. We have the classroom teacher spend about one hour per week for about 12 weeks in teaching forgiveness through stories, such as Dr. Seuss’ Horton Hears a Who in which a kindly elephant saves an entire village of tiny Whos because, as Horton knows and constantly proclaims throughout the book, “A person’s a person, no matter how small.”
We decided to extend the development of the teacher guides through the end of post-primary school, a 12-year project. Perhaps the students who grow into adulthood with forgiveness as a continual companion will develop an ability to dialogue more deeply and effectively with “the other side.” Forgiveness, properly understood and practiced by some heroic adults, could change the face of Ireland and Northern Ireland.
Abana
My father abandoned mother and me when I was toddler. He come no more. Mother she work 2 maybe 3 jobs. Poverty and sickness. Finally I placed in foster care and had to work hard. Foster parents value education much. So I get high school degree. See father as very troulbed. Scared. He do not know how to be father. Make me feel sad for him. I forgive him. I feel better and hope to meet him some day. Thank you.
Forgiving a Person vs. Being a Forgiving Person
There is a difference between forgiving a person and being a forgiving person. To forgive someone usually means to engage in a particular process that will lead to forgiving a person for a particular injustice. To be a forgiving person means that you: a) forgive particular people with a particular process for particular injustices; b) learn to practice this process frequently, whenever there is a need to forgive; c) learn to love this process of forgiving others; d) make forgiveness a part of your very identity, so that to not forgive is to seem discordant with who you are as a person; and e) realize that one purpose of your life is to give forgiveness away to others so that they, too, can begin forgiving those who have hurt them.
