Helpful Forgiveness Hint

On Being Gentle with Yourself when Hurt by Others

Guarding against your own false accusations against yourself is very important. At the same time, please add the practice of being gentle with yourself.  By this I mean, try to foster a sense of quiet within, an acceptance of yourself within.  Try to respond inwardly to yourself as you would toward someone whom you love deeply.  In other words, allow yourself to be imperfect and when you are, please guard against a harsh inner voice that condemns.  You have been wounded and so you need that sense of self-acceptance in all aspects of your life right now.

The next time you make an error, be aware of how you are talking to yourself internally.  Check to see if you are using the inner-whip against yourself and then stop this immediately.  Instead, please turn to this: I am wounded inside. I do not need another wound, especially one that is inflicted from within.  It is time to be gentle with myself.

Robert

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Helpful Forgiveness Hint When Forgiveness Is Difficult for You

We need to change your view of who you are as a person if you have been stuck in unforgiveness and are discouraged.  The world will tell you that you are less than you should be if your loved ones reject you.  Do not listen to the world.  I have seen that it is all too easy to condemn yourself when others first condemn you.  Fight against that, starting now.

Who are you as a person?  You are someone who has inherent worth even when you struggle in life.  You are someone who is special, unique, and irreplaceable even if you have unhealthy anger in your heart.  You are not—-you are not—-a failure at forgiveness.  Remember that forgiveness is a process and this takes time.  Please do not be harsh on yourself if you are struggling with the process.  How you are doing in this process today is not an indication of where you will be in this process one month from now.  Who are you?

Robert 

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The Forgiveness Path Is Not a Straight Line

If you are like the rest of us, when you begin to forgive another person you will start and stop and start again a number of times before you arrive, safe, at the journey’s end, confident that you have forgiven.  You will be making great progress and then have a dream about the person and wake up angry all over again.  You will think you have conquered, only to meet the person who hurts you again, and there is the anger.  Or, it is the holiday season and you reflect back on your life hoping for peace and instead get a piece of the person’s own anger, and once again you are angry.  The forgiveness path is like this and so please be gentle with yourself.

Robert 

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Two Helpful Forgiveness Hints

When you forgive, be gentle with yourself as your anger subsides and as compassion increases. We usually change our thought first about someone who has been unjust to us. Thoughts are more under our control than are our emotions. Just because you have some anger does not mean that you are unforgiving. If your thoughts include “do no harm” and “I wish the other person well” then you are on the forgiveness path. A softened heart in the form of compassion can be a long road and so please be patient with yourself.

When you forgive, be sure to exercise other moral virtues along with it. Aristotle counseled us never to practice any of the virtues in isolation. I recommend that you bring the moral virtue of courage on your forgiveness journey. Courage will provide the strength to continue on the journey when you get weary. Courage will provide another kind of strength to stand up to those who are treating you unjustly. The softened heart that is forgiveness will temper the courage so that you are not a roaring lion toward your offender.

Robert

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This Twisty Journey You Are On: A Helpful Forgiveness Hint

This journey we call forgiveness is not a straight path to the end with joy awaiting you.  Instead, if you are like the rest of us, you will start and stop and start again a number of times before you arrive, safe, at the journey’s end.  You will be making great progress and then have a dream about the person and wake up angry all over again.  You will think you have conquered only to meet again the person who hurts you, and there is the anger.  Or, it is a special holiday and you reflect back on your life hoping for peace and instead get a piece of the person’s own anger, and once again you are angry.  The forgiveness path is like this and so please be gentle with yourself.  Just start again with this person by examining the nature of your wounds now, assess what kind of work you need to do (more love? more merciful restraint?) and continue.

Robert

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