Love
What Is a Good Heart?
A close friend asked one of us, “What is a good heart?” We never had been asked this before. Our response is below. What is your response?
A good heart first has suffered. In the suffering, the person knows that all on this planet are subjected to suffering and so his heart is compassionate, patient, supportive, and loving as best he can in this fallen world. The good heart is forgiving, ever forgiving, vigilant in forgiving. The good heart tries to be in service to others. The good heart is no longer afraid of suffering and has joy because of the suffering, not in spite of it. Having suffered and having passed through suffering, the good heart dances. Others do not understand the good, joyous heart. Yet, the one with the good heart does not compromise the goodness and the joy. It is like a valuable gift received and she knows it.
Robert
On a Steadfast Heart
Stand when you are treated unfairly, knowing that the other has created disorder.
Stand so that you do not become a part of that disorder.
Forgive so that you put love into a situation that could break you, that could make you disordered.
Love persistently so that you put goodness back into a world that is tempting you toward anger and bitterness.
Wait for love to come to you and keep your heart soft through forgiveness so that you are able to receive that love when it is offered to you.
Robert
The Superficial Self-Help Advice to the Lovelorn: Don’t Care So Much
I was listening to a self-proclaimed self-help “expert” today. His goal was to try to help those who have lost in love to remain psychologically whole or to become whole once again. The gist of his advice was this: Break the attachment so that you care less than the partner cares. This diminishes his or her power over you. When we attach to others, it is then that we are vulnerable to suffering. Detach and then you automatically will suffer less.
But the big questions for me on this advice are these:
Is suffering so bad that we cannot love others in a deep way?
Why view relationships in terms of power and then possessing the power as a way to heal?
Finally, is a world of detachment meaningful and purposeful compared to the healthy attachment of genuine love and service to the other?
Suffering is not to be avoided at all costs. If there were no ways out of suffering and if suffering crushed all of us all the time, then this would be different. Yet, we all can grow through suffering by becoming more patient, more mature in our character, and more sensitive to the suffering in others. Suffering is not the enemy. No, suffering should not then be sought, but when it comes, there are solutions and one of them is to practice forgiveness.
Are relationships defined primarily by power? If so, then both partners are missing out on one of the richest, most beautiful experiences on this earth: to step outside of a predominant self-interest to the kind of love that serves and in the serving gives joy. All of this likely is missed by too many who view the world from a power lens because power is intent on dominating, not serving. When was the last time you saw true joy on the face of someone who dominates?
Detachment in the name of avoiding suffering is to play it safe. It is like taking your $100 and putting it in the ground so that you avoid losing it. If, instead, you are not detached in this world and take the risk of investing that $100 it could grow where you can help others. Detachment is passive and ultimately joyless.
Don’t care so much? No thanks. I’ll take risks and see love as a way to serve. In that service there may be suffering, but joy is likely eventually to grow. I will take joy over safety every day of the week.
Robert
Reflection on Legacy—Your Legacy
While surfing the web yesterday, I came across this idea on legacy: “…. legacy counts for little: the vast majority of us will be forgotten and our works with us.”
That quotation got me to think about each of our legacies. Legacy is what we leave behind when we die. Even if we are forgotten and our work along with us, legacy remains. You see, legacy is not just how we are remembered. In addition, and most importantly, legacy is what actually remains from our actions here on earth—whether what is left is attributed to us or not.
In a recent blog post we discussed anger in Northern Ireland, an anger that has lasted since the late 17th century. No one today can pinpoint who it was that started all of this anger that lives on. Yet, it lives on. It is real and it was started by some who left it here on this earth when they died.
I think love shares this with anger: It, too, can be our legacy that lives on long after we are gone, and it can exist apart from anyone ever connecting our love back to us.
Does legacy count for little? Look at the legacy of anger in countries torn by strife for centuries. Even though we cannot name the originators, the legacy is profound and not in a good way.
Does legacy count for little? Think of even one time in which one of your parents gave you legitimate love that stayed in your heart. If you can pass that to even one other heart and then it is passed on to another heart, does this count for little?
Do not be concerned if your name is not in lights 200 years from now. Be very concerned that you have the opportunity today to start a pattern of love that goes from heart to heart to heart…even if you and your works are long forgotten.
Legacy can be profound and in a very positive way. Start your legacy today. Love someone deeply enough that the love abides in that heart….and lives on.
Robert
You Are a Person: You Are Not Your Pain
When someone asks about you, do you state your career or perhaps where you are in school? You are more than your career.
Do you state your age or where you live? You are more than these.
If someone asks you how you are doing and you are in emotional pain, do you make the mistake of defining yourself by that pain?
You are more than your career or your age or where you live or the amount of pain you are in.
Who are you? Yes, all of the above characteristics are part of who you are, but who are you really?
You are a person who is special, unique, and irreplaceable. There is no one just like you on the planet. You have inherent (built-in) worth because you are a person.
You have the capacity to love and to overcome emotional pain through love and forgiveness.
You are much more than your pain….and so is the one who has caused you the pain.
Robert
