My partner has a tendency to scream and then defend the behavior as if it is ok as long as he is frustrated. When i explain to him that his reactions are inappropriate, he gets even madder. He thinks he has a right to this kind of stuff. Because he is not open to change I am getting worried. If I forgive how is that helping him to change?

You are aware that your partner has an anger problem needing work. Forgiveness does not directly address that issue. Forgiveness will help you to reduce your own anger at his anger. Your forgiving him may help him to quiet inside at least temporarily. Yet, he needs work on his anger in addition to your forgiving him. I suggest that you practice forgiveness and then when your feelings are calm, approach him when all is going well. Explain as calmly and as directly as you can that he has a problem in need of being addressed. Please point out that this does not mean you are condemning him or that he is a bad person. We all have our weaknesses and anger outbursts are one of his. Support him as he adjusts to this truth. He and you together should examine what in the past has led to such anger within him. He, too, needs to forgive someone (or perhaps more than one person). Your examining that and his forgiveness may work wonders for the control of his anger now.

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Categories: Ask Dr. Forgiveness


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