I was the victim of abuse in a relationship I never should have entered into. No one does anything to warrant abuse. Yet, I do wonder about self-forgiveness in this context. Maybe I should have seen the signs before entering so deeply into this disaster of a relationship. Even though I am not guilty of any abuse back to the other, do you think I should try to forgive myself for my stupidity of poor judgment?

Whether or not to self-forgive in the context you describe may depend on the answer to this question: Do you feel guilty in any way?  If the answer is “yes,” then the next question is whether or not this is genuine guilt or a false form of it.  Sometimes, we falsely accuse ourselves and upon further examination, we realize that we did nothing wrong.  If there is a sense of genuine guilt, then there likely is a sense of wrong-doing.  What is the wrong-doing?  Try to be specific.  You say that you should have seen the signs of a poor relationship coming.  Yet, you did nothing intentionally wrong here. As you call it, stupidity is not a deliberate intention to do wrong. And sometimes we just do not see tragic flaws in others until we know them in the greater depth of a marriage, for example.  So, are you experiencing genuine guilt?  If so, forgive yourself. If you did nothing objectively wrong with a bad intention, I would recommend that you try to be gentle with yourself, to be merciful toward yourself, but not necessarily in a context of self-forgiveness in which you see, acknowledge, and correct a moral wrong within yourself.

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