Archive for September, 2016

Criticisms of Forgiveness: Forgiving as Producing Hypersensitivity to Hurt

Both Downie (1965), a philosopher, and Droll (1985), a psychologist, raised the challenging possibility that someone who practices forgiveness may become overly sensitive to slights and minor hurts. As a forgiver begins to scrutinize injustices, he or she may begin to falsely see these at every turn. Yet, those who genuinely forgive try to see exactly what happened in the original offense. If anything, true forgiving would seem to correct hypersensitivity as the forgiver strives for an accurate understanding of offender and offense.

Robert

Enright, Robert D.; Fitzgibbons, Richard P. (2014-11-17). Forgiveness Therapy (Kindle Locations 5107-5110). American Psychological Association (APA). Kindle Edition.

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Criticisms of Forgiveness: Forgiving as Disrespectful to the Offender

One argument states that when someone is hurt by another, it is best to show some resentment because it lets the other know that he or she is being taken seriously. If forgiveness cuts short the resentment process, the forgiver is not taking the other seriously and, therefore, is not respecting the other. Nietzsche (1887) also devised this argument.
We disagree with the basic premise here that forgiveness does not involve resentment. As a person forgives, he or she starts with resentment.

We also disagree that resentment is the exclusive path to respecting. Does a person show little respect if he or she quells the resentment in 1 rather than 2 days? Is a week of resentment better than the 2 days? When is it sufficient to stop resenting so that the other feels respected? Nietzsche offered no answer. If a person perpetuates the resentment, certainly he or she is not respecting the other.

Robert

Enright, Robert D.; Fitzgibbons, Richard P. (2014-11-17). Forgiveness Therapy (Kindle Locations 5092-5097). American Psychological Association (APA). Kindle Edition.

Enright, Robert D.; Fitzgibbons, Richard P. (2014-11-17). Forgiveness Therapy (Kindle Locations 5090-5092). American Psychological Association (APA). Kindle Edition.

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From the reading I have done, it seems that forgiving others for specific hurts will reduce anger in the one who forgives. Yet, what if someone seems to be an angry person generally without a specific other in mind to forgive. Will learning how to forgive be as effective for this person as for another who knows precisely who hurt her and what that injustice is?

If someone seems to be generally angry and is not able to specify at whom or toward what she is angry, this does not necessarily mean that no such person or event(s) exist.  Sometimes people are in denial about their anger and think it is part of their general personality or think that they inherited a sensitive nervous system.  Yet, with further exploration, usually it is possible to identify a person or persons or some event(s) that have made the person resentful.  My advice is to work with the person, if she wishes, to uncover from the past that which is making her so angry so much of the time.  There usually is a reason for it tied to something that has happened in the person’s life.

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Even if a child learns how to forgive through forgiveness education, is it possible that if something horrific happens to him in adulthood then he might find it impossible to forgive, even with that prior training?

Yes, it is possible that even with the best of training, someone as an adult might decide not to forgive someone for a horrific injustice.  After all, forgiveness is a choice. Yet, even if the person refuses to forgive, this does not mean that this is his final word on the matter. With time, the person may decide to forgive. We have to be gentle with anyone in such a difficult situation.

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Love Is Stronger than Cruelty, Persecution, and Oppression

That is the basic and profound message of the act of forgiving. The other is cruel to me.  This will not take away my humanity. I will strive to love that person nonetheless. The other is persecuting me, depriving me of my rights, insulting and belittling me. This will not stop me from loving the other, from seeing the other’s humanity, from offering her a better way. The other oppresses me with his power. He dominates me and treats me as being far less than him. I will not do the same back to him. Instead, I will try to love and not lose my humanity in the process, nor will I lose the perspective of her full humanity.

Yes, I will protect myself by not reconciling as he exercises cruelty or persecution or oppression. I will bring forgiveness alongside justice and never give up striving for fairness. Throughout this struggle, I will continue to love because to forgive on its highest level is to love. Love is stronger than cruelty, persecution, and oppression.

Robert

 

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