Archive for March, 2020

I have been offended at least 10 times by my roommate for the same thing: coming in late, being noisy, and disrupting my sleep.  Do you recommend that I forgive each of these 10 incidents one at a time or can I forgive all at once for all of these?

I think you can forgive all at once for all of these, but at the same time, as you forgive, you should ask for fairness or justice from your roommate.  If the roommate had been unfair to you in, say, three entirely different ways, then you could forgive for each of these independent injustices.

For additional information, see Forgiveness Defined.

Please follow and like us:

Is there such a thing as unnecessary forgiveness?  For example, suppose there is a painful misunderstanding and neither party was unfair.

Forgiveness in this case would be unnecessary unless one or both of the people acted inappropriately after the misunderstanding occurred.  For example one person might have become excessively anger and used harsh words toward the other.  In this case, they would not be dealing with the issue of forgiveness for the original misunderstanding, but instead with the aftermath of that misunderstanding when hurtful words were expressed.

For additional information, see Forgiveness Defined.

Please follow and like us:

I never met my father, who abandoned the family before I was born.  I wonder now: How can I take a perspective on him, given that I have never met him?

You might start by asking your mother about him: What does she know about his upbringing?  What does she know of how others treated him so badly that perhaps his trust was damaged?  Also, you do not have to know someone personally to ask this:  Is this person a human being as I am?  What do we have in common as part of our shared humanity?  Does he possess inherent worth as I do?  You can do a lot of this kind of cognitive work without knowing the specifics of a person’s life.

For additional information, see Inherent Worth.

Please follow and like us:

What is one very surprising thing you have learned about forgiveness?

One surprise is how angry some people can get when the word forgiveness is mentioned.  I find that this happens especially when the one so angered has been treated very badly by others.  The person then sees forgiveness as possibly dangerous (because it is seen as giving in to the other’s manipulations) and morally inappropriate (because the person thinks that one has to receive justice before forgiveness occurs).  Another surprise I have found, by studying forgiveness scientifically, is how powerful it is in restoring psychological health when the person has been devastated by the injustice.

Learn more at Forgiving is not. . .

Please follow and like us:

CORONA VIRUS MUSIC VIDEO

CORONA VIRUS MUSIC VIDEO

x