Archive for September, 2023
Joram Haber has a book in which he argues in a philosophical way that it is a moral good to wait for an apology prior to forgiving. He makes logically deductive arguments for this. So, again, I ask: Might withholding forgiving be a moral response?
Haber does argue as you say, but he does not address the critical issue of being able to help the other change for the better after you have forgiven. Without addressing this, I would say that his argument is incomplete because it eliminates a reasonable pathway to helping the other person.
Regarding my earlier question about getting an apology from the one who hurt me, isn’t it important that I wait for an apology for this other person’s sake? After all, if I forgive, he might think all is fine and not change.
You can help this person to become more fair with you whether you first forgive or not. Why can’t you seek justice from the other after you have forgiven? As you forgive, ask something of the other.
Do you think an apology is necessary before I can forgive?
If you must wait for an apology from the one who hurt you, then you are giving too much power to this person. Why retain resentment in your heart just because the person will not utter three words: “Please forgive me.” You are free to forgive when you are ready.
Dr. Enright and the International Forgiveness Institute are one of the ‘Six Things Psychologists are Talking About’….
The American Psychological Association (APA) features a monthly column on their website entitled ‘Six Things Psychologists Are Talking About’ and in August of this year they featured a podcast interview with Dr. Enright on the healing power of forgiveness as one of the ‘six things’! The episode is entitled ‘The Power of Forgiving Those Who’ve Hurt You’ and features a wide-ranging conversation with Dr. Enright as he shares what forgiveness is, how it can help people grow and heal in a variety of ways, and how the forgiveness education initiatives sponsored by the International Forgiveness Institute have impacted thousands of children and communities around the world. The podcast is roughly 30 minutes and is great to listen to while driving, taking a walk, or even folding laundry. 🙂
Enright shared the following in the podcast regarding what inspires him to keep doing the work of forgiveness education after 38 years:
Image by Pexels.com
What keeps me going is the passion for what we find. It has actually surprised me, the strength of the findings when people are gravely hurting psychologically, and are healed from, let’s say, major depressive disorder. And that gives me a hope, and the hope keeps me going, that we can indeed create a better world, one heart at a time. And so, I would say on the table as my wishlist, more insight that forgiveness education is worthwhile for children and adolescents. And, here’s a big one, community forgiveness. And we’re actually starting to work on that in different war-torn communities, especially in Africa.
We’ve been approached by four different communities in different geographic areas of Africa. Coming to us, saying, “Can you help us? We have had civil wars.” I just had a meeting this past week with someone from an African community who told me one million people, Kim, one million people have died in this century from the civil wars. And he said, “We need to bring forgiveness into communities, into individual hearts, families and communities, and then community to community.” But see, both communities have to be astute enough and motivated enough to become well-versed in forgiveness. And then, what will happen? I want to find out.
Be sure to check out the podcast to hear more about the power of forgiveness to bring healing to you, your loved ones, and the world!
