Author Archive: directorifi
IFI Researcher presents forgiveness intervention findings at recent New York conference
Dr. Nahlah Mandurah, who is a researcher at our International Forgiveness Institute, presented her forgiveness intervention research with post-divorced women in Saudi Arabia this October at the Association for Moral Education in New York:
Mandurah, N. & Enright, R.D. (2024, October 24). The effectiveness of a forgiveness intervention as a post-divorce program in Saudi Arabia. Paper presented at the Association for Moral Education annual meeting, Queens, New York.
On the Necessity for Forgiveness Education
Image by Pixabay, Pexels.com
When I first started to study forgiveness as a possible scientific topic, I was surprised to find no empirically-based publications on the topic of person-to-person forgiving. There were studies on apology and some non-empirical publications regarding forgiveness in therapy, but none examining forgiving with the use of statistics. In other words, psychological science, as supposedly centered on a helping profession, managed to avoid the scientific investigation of forgiving since the late 19th century. Such neglect was not due to the irrelevance of forgiving, but instead to psychological scientists failing to have sufficient insight to see the relevance of this topic for their profession.
All this has changed since the first empirically-based forgiveness publication appeared in 1989 (Enright, Santos, & Al-Mabuk, 1989).
Now there are thousands of research articles from a wide variety of scientists showing the relevance of forgiving for well-being after the person has suffered the negative effects of unjust treatment by others (Akhtar & Barlow, 2018; Enright & Fitzgibbons, 2024).
We now are faced with an analogous situation with regard to the implementation of forgiveness education. This is not an exact parallel situation with the empirical science of forgiving because much science on forgiveness education already has been done (Rapp et al., 2021). Instead, the issue centers on the implementation of forgiveness as an important component of elementary school, middle school, and high school education. The science of forgiveness education has been summarized by Rapp et al. (2021) with this conclusion: When 1,472 students across 10 countries have undergone forgiveness education, there is a statistically significant cause-and-effect association between engaging in forgiveness education and increasing a student’s level of forgiveness toward someone who acted unfairly as well as a reduction in anger in general. In other words, learning about forgiveness and its process can induce more forgiving in the human heart and reduce anger that could have been displaced onto others in the family or the classroom.
We should consider the need for universal forgiveness education by reflecting on this question: What is the main purpose of education? It seems that the answer is this: Education is supposed to help students prepare for adulthood by learning to read, do addition and subtraction so they can keep track of funds and other important inventories, and be cooperative members of society.
Yet, education almost never asks teachers to prepare students for the deep injustices that likely will visit them as adults. Here is one example I encountered: A 35-year-old woman was unexpectedly faced with her husband abandoning her and their two young children. She told me that she now has to find a job and continue raising the children alone as she confronts the rising anger and mourning that have befallen her. “I want to forgive,” she told me, “but I do not know how.”
What if this woman had forgiveness education as a child and adolescent? She now would be ready to forgive, to reduce her rising anger, to have more energy, and to raise her children with more focus. Forgiveness education would have prepared her for this.
Is learning how to read, to balance a checkbook, or to know the capital of Madagascar the only kind of preparation we should be giving children? Should we be expanding our vision of education, as we have with psychological science, to now make room for forgiveness education in the classroom?
It is time. It is more than time because it is long past time that forgiveness is seen as necessary for good preparation in being a thriving adult.
References
Akhtar, S. & Barlow, J. (2018). Forgiveness therapy for the promotion of mental well-being: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Trauma, Violence, & Abuse, 19(1), 107-122.
Enright, R.D. & Fitzgibbons, R.P. (2024). Forgiveness therapy. APA Books.
Enright, R. D., Santos, M., & Al-Mabuk, R. (1989). The adolescent as forgiver. Journal of Adolescence, 12, 95-110.
Rapp, H., Wang Xu, J., & Enright, R.D. (2022). A meta-analysis of forgiveness education interventions’ effects on forgiveness and anger in children and adolescents. Child Development, 93, 1249-1269.
My final question 10 out of 10: Different people have different views of what forgiveness is. Let them have the freedom to believe as they wish. How does that sound to you?
The Internet is a double-edged sword. It can enlighten and quickly, but at the same time, it can mislead. When I searched the Internet for the definition and some general issues on forgiveness, I was surprised by a rising consensus in up to 10 areas, each of which seems odd to me. May I ask you to consider each one of these “discoveries” so that you can help me to understand better? Thank you in advance for your time.
It sounds too relativistic to me. What if a person sees forgiveness as a form of punishing the offending person? Is this helpful to passively accept this without assisting the one who believes this to grow in a deeper understanding of what forgiveness is? If there is no objective definition of forgiveness, which can be expressed with nuances across different situations and cultures, then how could we ever do science on forgiveness? After all, it would be impossible to develop a standardized measure of forgiveness if everyone has a different view of what it is.
Question 9 of 10: Forgiveness might give the offending person an excuse to keep up with the unfairness. Therefore, forgiveness can be dangerous. What is your view on this one?
The Internet is a double-edged sword. It can enlighten and quickly, but at the same time, it can mislead. When I searched the Internet for the definition and some general issues on forgiveness, I was surprised by a rising consensus in up to 10 areas, each of which seems odd to me. May I ask you to consider each one of these “discoveries” so that you can help me to understand better? Thank you in advance for your time.
When people fail to make a distinction between forgiving and reconciling, this error is dangerous, not forgiveness itself. A person can forgive, by being good to the other even from a distance, but not reconcile. Here is one example: You might have a good word to say to others about the one who was unfair to you. Here is a second example: You could consider donating a little money to a charity that the other likes. These examples can be done as small acts of being good to the one who was not good to you without going back into a potentially harmful relationship.
Question 8 of 10: Forgiveness can be learned quickly. I see very often on the Internet these kinds of titles: Forgiveness in 4 steps; Learn to Forgive in Six Easy Lessons. Are these correct?
The Internet is a double-edged sword. It can enlighten and quickly, but at the same time, it can mislead. When I searched the Internet for the definition and some general issues on forgiveness, I was surprised by a rising consensus in up to 10 areas, each of which seems odd to me. May I ask you to consider each one of these “discoveries” so that you can help me to understand better? Thank you in advance for your time.
If the other’s injustice does not deeply emotionally hurt a person, then it is possible to forgive quickly. When deeply hurt by others, forgiving takes time. For example, when Dr. Suzanne Freedman (Freedman & Enright, 1996) worked with incest survivors, she asked them to tell her when they truly feel, inside them, that they have forgiven. On the average, it took about one year of one-on-one forgiveness sessions between Dr. Freedman and each participant before they forgave. To grow in the moral virtue of forgiveness takes time.
Freedman, S. R., & Enright, R. D. (1996). Forgiveness as an intervention goal with incest survivors. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 64(5), 983-992.
