Author Archive: directorifi

New Study Praises Forgiveness as a “Protective Factor That Can Break the Cycle of Violence”

Researchers in Spain have just completed a cyberbullying study with 1,665 secondary school students that not only indicates “forgiveness is a protective factor that can act to break the cycle of violence and improve general health” but that  “anticyberbullying interventions need to focus on promoting forgiveness in adolescents.” 

The study is titled “Forgiveness and cyberbullying in adolescence: Does willingness to forgive help minimize the risk of becoming a cyberbully?” It was conducted by psychology professors at the University of Malaga on the southern coast of Spain and was published in the journal Computers in Human Behavior (Vol. 81).

According to the study, adolescents who are subject to cyberbullying (the use of electronic communication to bully a person, typically by sending messages of an intimidating or threatening nature), feel a variety of negative emotions such as shame, anger, guilt, and helplessness.  Those feelings often lead the victims to “bully back” so as to defend themselves or to exact revenge and those behaviors can negatively impact adolescent adjustment.

Consistent with that line of reasoning, the study’s authors say that the strongest predictor of engaging in cyberbullying is being a previous victim of bullying or cyberbullying.  When a victim of bullying and/or cyberbullying turns into a bully, the cycle of violence promulgates itself.

According to the study, however, ” forgiveness is a protective factor that can act to break the cycle of violence and improve general health.” Further, because “forgiveness is a strength that involves the reduction of negative emotions, thoughts, and behaviors, and an increase in more positive feelings, forgiveness can be an effective resource for ameliorating the aggressive states associated with being victimized, and reducing negative reactions to other people’s behavior.”

The authors add that their findings “confirm that lower levels of forgiveness (in students) can represent a risk for cyberbullying aggression. In addition, forgiveness appears to be a key element for addressing the limitations of traditional anti-bullying programs and for helping victims overcome interpersonal transgressions.” 

Students in the study (825 males and 840 females) were in 7th to 12th grades, ranged in age from 11 to 20 years (with a mean age of 14.1 years), and attended six different public schools in Malaga, Spain. The researchers were Lourdes Rey and Cirenia Quintana-Ort.

“One promising personal resource that seems to protect individuals after interpersonal transgressions is forgiveness.”
Cirenia Quintana-Ort

In the study’s conclusion, the authors contend that: 1) applying forgiveness interventions may help reduce the likelihood that one will turn into a bully, even after being cyberbullied oneself; 2) that forgiveness could be used as an important adjunct to current approaches for reducing cyberbullying aggression; and, 3) that it would be useful to include evidence-based interventions on forgiveness in the field of anti-bullying interventions.

None of that comes as a surprise to Dr. Robert Enright, founder of the International Forgiveness Institute (IFI), who developed The Anti-Bullying Forgiveness Program seven years ago in 2012–the year Hurricane Sandy devastated the East Coast and the year US President Barack Obama was re-elected to his second term.

“It has always been our contention that bullying starts from within, as anger, and comes out as displaced anger onto the victim,” Dr. Enright says, acknowledging that he has long known what the Spain study disclosed. “Forgiveness targets that anger and then reduces it, thus reducing or eliminating the displaced anger which comes out as bullying.”

Because Dr. Enright wants to share this program and its positive benefits with as many teachers, counselors and parents as possible, the IFI is making the Anti-Bullying Forgiveness Program available at no cost. Click here to get your free copy.

LEARN MORE ON THE IFI WEBSITE:

• Our Approach to Anti-Bullying
• A New Approach to School Bullying: Eliminate Their Anger 
• Anti-Bullying and Forgiveness Education
• Our Tribute to National Bullying Prevention Month

I was told I have not truly forgiven someone, because I do not trust the person anymore. I thought we can forgive an offense, but have to work on restoring trust. Sometimes trust can be restored and reconciliation occurs, but other times it does not. I thought it was also possible to forgive someone without ever trusting them again. Is this not true? Please advise.

You show wisdom in making the distinction between forgiving and reconciling.

Forgiveness is a moral virtue that can start as an interior response to the one who acted unjustly. In other words, forgiveness starts with an insight that the other person has inherent worth, as you do. It also eventually can include what the philosopher, Joanna North, calls the “softened heart,” or compassion for the other.

In contrast, reconciliation is a negotiation strategy between two or more people who come together again in mutual trust. One can have the forgiving thoughts and feelings toward the other without interacting with the other person if that person continues to act in a harmful way. A goal of forgiving is to reconcile, but this does not always occur. Reconciliation involves trust, which can be difficult to re-establish unless the other shows what I call “the three R’s” of remorse (inner sorrow), repentance (a verbal expression of that sorry), and when possible recompense (making up for the injustice). These three can help re-establish trust, which usually takes time as the offending ones show a little at a time that they can be trusted by their new actions.

Learn more at Forgiving is not. . .

Finding Meaning in Suffering: I Am Someone Who Can Love Despite Hardship

Viktor Frankl, a survivor of the Holocaust and a world renown psychiatrist, made the point that the only ones who survived concentration camp were those who somehow could find meaning in what they suffered. Those who saw their suffering as meaningless died.

In other words, finding meaning in this case meant to find life. What fascinates me about Dr. Frankl’s observations is that finding any meaning seems to count in staying alive. Whether a person saw the suffering as a way to toughen the self, or as a way to reach out to other suffering people was not the main point.

I wonder now, in reflecting on Dr. Frankl’s broad view of meaning in suffering, whether he had it entirely correct. Yes, it may be the case that any meaning can keep a person alive. Yet, what kind of meaning in suffering actually helps a person to thrive, not just to live? Perhaps people thrive only when they derive particular meaning from suffering. Of course, we do not know for sure, and any comment here is not definitive because it is open to scientific investigation and philosophical analysis. With that said, I think that when people realize that suffering helps them to love others more deeply, this is the avenue toward thriving.

How does suffering help people to love more deeply? I think there are at least three ways this happens: 1) Suffering makes people more aware of the wounds that others carry; 2) Suffering makes people more determined to help those others bind up their wounds, and 3) Suffering gives the sufferer the courage to put into action these insights and motivations to make a difference in the lives of others.

As people love in this way, there are characteristically two consequences which help them to thrive: 1) Those who deliberately love in the face of suffering grow in character, each becomes a better person; and 2) The recipients of this love-in-action have their well-being enhanced. As those who suffer see the fruit of their loving actions, this increases satisfaction with life, increasing thriving.

When we have been treated unjustly by others, this is an occasion of suffering. Let us cultivate the habit under this circumstance of finding this meaning: I have an opportunity now to love those who have hurt me. The one avenue to loving the unjust is to forgive them. Let us remember this meaning to forgiveness: “In my forgiving, I am someone who can love despite hardship.” As we say this routinely and come to know it is true, we may find that we have been given an opportunity to thrive as persons.

Robert

What Is a Good Heart?

A close friend asked one of us yesterday, “What is a good heart?” We never had been asked this before. Our response is below. What is your response?

A good heart first has suffered. In the suffering, the person knows that all on this planet are subjected to suffering and so his heart is compassionate, patient, supportive, and loving as best he can in this fallen world. The good heart is forgiving, ever forgiving, vigilant in forgiving. The good heart tries to be in service to others. The good heart is no longer afraid of suffering and has joy because of the suffering, not in spite of it. Having suffered and having passed through suffering, the good heart dances. Others do not understand the good, joyous heart. Yet, the one with the good heart does not compromise the goodness and the joy. It is like a valuable gift received and she knows it.

Robert

Does forgiveness work with those who are addicted to drugs?

Yes, and we have a randomized experimental and control study to show this. We did two sessions a week with the book, Forgiveness Is a Choice, for 6 weeks. After the forgiveness sessions, the participants went from clinically depressed to non-depressed. In contrast, those in the drug-treatment program as usual (the control group) went down in depression, but they remained clinically depressed. Here is the reference to that research:

Lin, W.F., Mack, D., Enright, R.D., Krahn, D., & Baskin, T. (2004). Effects of forgiveness therapy on anger, mood, and vulnerability to substance use among inpatient substance-dependent clients. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 72(6), 1114-1121.