Author Archive: directorifi

Finding Meaning in the Pursuit of Truth

Finding meaning in the pursuit of truth is yet another way of finding meaning after or while you suffer. When we are hurt by others who exert power over us, there is a tendency to blur the lines between what is the truth and what is a lie.

Consider the suffering of the psychiatrist Viktor Frankl, who was in concentration camps in Germany and Poland during World War II. When Dr. Frankl was ordered to go on a march to do some slave work, I am sure that the soldiers controlling his behavior were convinced that they were doing the right thing. They likely had convinced themselves that those they had enslaved somehow deserved it. Dr. Frankl resisted their lies and consciously stood in the truth that what he was experiencing was unjust.

One can become stronger by realizing that one’s suffering has sharpened the mind to see what is right and what is wrong, even when others are trying to convince you otherwise.

Robert

Enright, Robert (2015-09-28). 8 Keys to Forgiveness (8 Keys to Mental Health) (p. 120). W. W. Norton & Company. Kindle Edition.

Frankl, Viktor E. (Dec. 1, 1959) Man’s Search for Meaning. Beacon Press.

 

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You talk about giving a gift to the one who offended you, but in some cultures it is considered rude or disrespectful to hand out gifts. So, it seems to me that this is not a good idea.

You raise a good point about how we are to be merciful or loving toward those who were not merciful or loving to us. Generosity is a virtue that would seem to be universal. It is in how this is demonstrated that is at issue here, not whether or not to ever exercise generosity. So, with that clarification, I would say that one should be sensitive to the cultural nuances of what you have in mind as your gift. If handing out gifts is seen as showing off or condescending to those receiving the gifts, then it is best to be quiet and private in the giving. One need not give a physical gift, such as perfume in a wrapped box, for example. One, instead, can give a smile, or respectful attention, or a good word about the person to other family members.

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Comfort or Challenge?

One of the most popular images in all of philosophy is Plato’s cave.  He challenges us to go beyond what we know in that cave, to the sunlight, to knowledge that goes beyond the conventional, beyond the ordinary.

I now wonder where modern societies fall when it comes to the question: Should we put more energy and effort into making our cave comfortable, or should we deliberately challenge ourselves, to be open to the unusual, to the risks that can bring suffering as we stretch ourselves to grow?

Forgiveness is one of those developments in life that challenges us.  It does so by asking us to strive to understand those who have not understood us.  Forgiveness challenges us to suffer as we try to bear the pain of what happened to us so that we do not pass that pain to others.  Forgiveness challenges us to understand and to act upon the paradox that as we are good to those who were not good to us, healing can occur within our hearts.

And yet, I wonder.  How much of a challenge is modern man willing to endure, given that he can slink back into the man-cave, pop a cold one, and turn on any number of distractions from the pain.

Does modern cave dwelling help us to become better forgivers…….or does it soothe us to the point of not accepting the challenge?

Robert

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What is the appeal of anger that it can become a habit, almost an addiction. Can suppressed or passive anger become like this, too?

I think the appeal is the adrenaline rush, the feeling of being wide awake and in control, the feeling that others will not take advantage of me.  All of this is reasonable if it is within reasonable bounds.  By that I mean that the anger is not controlling you, which can happen as people fly out of control with a temper that then is hard to manage.  A habit of anger, when intense, is hard to break, but it can be done with a strong will, the practice of forgiveness, and an awareness of how the anger-habit has compromised one’s life.  Passive anger can be habit-forming as well and that is a more difficult habit to break if the person is unaware of it.  Insights of unhappiness or of reduced energy can be clues to people that they are harboring passive anger in need of healing.

Forgiving others for injustices that have fostered this kind of anger is an important step in curing the anger.

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Forgiveness Becomes Her Passion: “Replace Hate with Love”

Carly Elms is a determined woman, a well-educated and experienced therapist, and a disciple of “forgiveness therapy” as developed and proven by Dr. Robert Enright, the founder of the International Forgiveness Institute (IFI) and a professor of psychology at the University of Wisconsin-Madison.

“Forgiveness is the only way to move through the anger and pain of even the most horrible wrongs,” according to Elms, “and to not let hate consume the rest of a life.”

Carly Elms Photo 2

Carly R. Elms, M.Ed., LMSW, CRC

Elms holds two master’s degrees. Along with her Masters in Clinical Social Work (MSW), she has a Masters of Education in Educational & Counseling Psychology (M.Ed.). She is a certified rehabilitation counselor (CRC), with experience as a trauma therapist, counselor for the blind, transition counselor for youth with disabilities, a service-disabled veteran of the U.S. Air Force, and a fanatic about forgiveness therapy.

Last fall, Elms opened the Franciscan Forgiveness Center on the grounds of the Sisters of St. Francis of the Holy Eucharist in Independence, MO, to help victims recover their lives from even the worst thing that could possibly happen to them.

“It’s a place of healing,” Elms said of the peaceful grounds where she has her office and where she also teaches the Sisters about forgiveness. “And that’s what forgiveness is. It is healing.”

Elms said she became a disciple of Dr. Enright’s forgiveness model after reading his popular self-help book Forgiveness Is a Choice: A Step-by-Step Process for Resolving Anger and Restoring Hope.  Inspired by what she read, Elms then enrolled in the IFI’s online Continuing Education Course: Helping Clients Forgive. She completed the course with the highest score ever recorded at the IFI.

Elms’ philosophy is simple (though easier said than done): Replace hate with love.

“You have a right to be angry if someone does something wrong to you,” Elms said. “But there really can’t be anything good that comes out of that. All that anger is the desire for revenge.”


“Revenge won’t heal a broken heart. The ability to forgive and to love will.”


Read more about Carly Elms:
» Replace hate with love: forgive and heal, an article in The Catholic Key Online.
» Carly Elms, M.Ed., LMSW, CRC; Franciscan Forgiveness Center, a review on CatholicTherapists.com.

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