Author Archive: directorifi
Genocide and the Human Heart
I wonder. Today I visited the Wikipedia entry on Genocide and found 558 scholarly notes there. This impressively detailed article generated a thought that I would like to share with you. Suppose that a person’s ancestors experienced genocide 500 years ago. Is it possible that people today are still experiencing the effects of such horror? It is easier to see the passing on of anger and stress when we can concretely see, for example, an angry father who has raised up an angry son. Yet, what of the passing on of the anger and stress that might reach back half a millennium?
I think it is possible that the deeply felt anguish of a genocide can be passed to the next generation…..and then to the next….and the next…..until it is our turn. Maybe the felt emotions are not the exact same as happened under genocide, but they may be painful nonetheless.
If this idea has merit, then how do we forgive that which we are not even aware because it has been blotted out of history? Perhaps it is not necessary to have to reach back and forgive all who have passed on the pain. Perhaps it is sufficient to forgive a parent who has caused you pain and this suffices to quiet the emotions. Someone has to stop the intergenerational transfer of pain if a subsequent generation is to be set free from a pattern that might have lasted for centuries. If so, then forgiveness is even more important than I had thought.
Robert
In my attempts to forgive, I try to respond with empathy and compassion to the one who hurt me. Is it possible to have such deep empathy and compassion that these qualities just abide in a person and are there, to be appropriated, any time and any place for any person and for any reason?
Yes, it is possible to carefully cultivate the qualities of empathy and compassion so that they are part of who you are as a person. I call it becoming “forgivingly fit.” It takes practice and then even more practice over years to develop such a deep, abiding sense of these qualities. As a motivation for you to so cultivate these, I have a chapter in the book, The Forgiving Life, in which I challenge the reader to leave a legacy of love in this world. To do so requires conscious effort and time so that you leave more love than anger in this challenging world when you die. If you have this legacy as a goal, it may be easier to stay at the task of practicing daily the qualities of empathy and compassion.
The 5 Protections of Forgiving
We now see forgiveness as a protection in at least five ways. As we forgive, we are protecting:
(A) our own emotional health;
(B) the human dignity of the offender, not because of what happened but in spite of it;
(C) our relationship if the other wants to reconcile;
(D) other family members, friends, and colleagues who are protected from our resentment; and
(E) our communities from on-going anger that can pervade neighborhoods, separate people, and leave a blight that depresses economies.
After all, communities continually in contention do not receive tourist dollars, and governments often turn away, even if subtly, from such communities with high rates of violence. To forgive is to serve, to love, and to protect.
Robert
Enright, Robert D.; Fitzgibbons, Richard P. (2014-11-17). Forgiveness Therapy (Kindle Locations 5565-5567). American Psychological Association (APA). Kindle Edition.
Enright, Robert D.; Fitzgibbons, Richard P. (2014-11-17). Forgiveness Therapy (Kindle Locations 5562-5565). American Psychological Association (APA). Kindle Edition.
You talk of a “global perspective” when forgiving another person. What is the global perspective and can one still take that perspective when the other has done something horrible?
The global perspective challenges the offended person to see the genuine humanity in all people, including those who do horrible acts. For example, is this person mortal; will he or she die some day? If she is cut, will she bleed? Does he need air to breath and a little plot of land to stand on…..just as you do? It is hard to take such a perspective when calling someone “inhuman” or “a monster.” Yet, and some people will disagree with this, isn’t that a distortion of whom the offending person is? Are not those who act horribly still human beings? They do not become ducks or deer or chimpanzees. They remain…..human. The global perspective is one of the large challenges of forgiveness, to see the humanity in the other.
Criticisms of Forgiveness: The Forgiven as Inferior
Even if a forgiver does not try to dominate the offender, the latter may nonetheless feel very badly about having to be forgiven (see Droll, 1985; O’Shaughnessy, 1967). Derek may feel that Alice, by her forgiving, is morally superior to him. Yet, Alice need not tell Derek of her gift. Even if he should suspect forgiveness on her part and then pine over this, Alice has done nothing wrong. Her gift remains a gift regardless of Derek’s response. If a child wails in protest over the gift of socks on Christmas morning, does this present then not count as a gift just because the child wanted a popular computer game and did not receive it?
Robert
Enright, Robert D.; Fitzgibbons, Richard P. (2014-11-17). Forgiveness Therapy (Kindle Locations 5080-5085). American Psychological Association (APA). Kindle Edition.
