Author Archive: doctorbobenright
Is it best to let the one I am forgiving know that I have done this? I have a friend who gets annoyed with me and says I am too sensitive whenever I let him know that I forgave him for something he did that I think is wrong.
This is a situation that is not as unusual as you might think. My advice is to assess the situation before you proclaim your forgiveness to him or her. You can forgive from the heart and then show this by your actions. You can even strive for a reconciliation without your verbally expressing forgiveness. Of course, reconciliation is best accomplished when the other acknowledges the wrong, you forgive and express this, and the other receives this and changes. Yet, the world is not always so neat and tidy as this. A key issue is this: Your forgiveness is not diminished if you do not verbally proclaim it and if the other does not accept it. You can go in peace knowing you have done the best that you can when you forgive from the heart.
How important is the forgiver’s motivation for considering forgiveness?
To forgive, at least in part, is an act of the will. We need to be motivated to exercise that will. Thus, the motivation to forgive is very important. Without that, the person may quit the forgiveness process when it requires hard work and focus.
Some people say they have no one particular to forgive in their lives, and so forgiveness is not relevant for them. What would you say to them?
I would say that they are very fortunate, indeed, not to have a serious injustice from another. I further would say that this kind of life will not last forever because of the nature of this world. So, please begin to learn about forgiveness now so that when the storms of life come, you will be ready.
Toward Forgiveness Education: A Thought Experiment for You
Picture a wide-eyed, innocent 6-year-old child. She is full of life and expectation for her future. When age 21, she married an abusive man who was cruel to her. They had 2 children together before he abandoned the family. She never had forgiveness education. Her anger spilled over to her children who grew up unhappy and angry. Now imagine that this 6-year-old child had forgiveness education from age 6 through age 18. When she encountered her cruel husband, she immediately began to forgive him. He was still cruel and still abandoned the family. Yet, she stood firm in her forgiveness, reduced her anger, and gave a legacy of love rather than anger to her growing children. We **need** forgiveness education.
Robert
Anger Is at the Heart of War
In today’s news, we read that Israel and Hamas are on the brink of all-out-war. In Belfast, Northern Ireland, today one group is verbally threatening violence because a parade commission banned them from a particular parade route. Anger. Toxic anger. It is at the heart of war. Yes, there are land disputes and ethnic disputes adding to the war and threat of violence, but disputes can be handled without violence…..if the hearts are without toxic anger. Our science shows this: forgiveness education reduces toxic anger. We need forgiveness education…..now….so that future generations can be protected from angry hearts in those who hold power. Maybe they will use their power more wisely when schooled in forgiveness.
Robert
