Author Archive: doctorbobenright
I am a homeschooling mom with a 6-year-old. I am interested in incorporating forgiveness into the curriculum. What would you recommend? How often would you recommend that we discuss forgiveness?
We have a wide selection of comprehensive, easy-to-use forgiveness curriculum guides for you in the Store section of this website. These range from pre-kindergarten (age 4) through grade 10 (age 15). We have written each guide so that the teacher, in this case you, can spend about one hour per week for about 12 to 15 weeks on forgiveness themes. The forgiveness curricula center on popular literature that should hold your child’s interest, such as Dr. Seuss books in grade 1 (age 6). You can read the first chapter of one of the guides in our Store.
I am a product of the 1970’s when strong women were encouraged to assert themselves. I can’t say that I bought into all the hype, but a part of that is still with me. When I think of being assertive and forgiving at the same time, they seem at odds with each other. Can one forgive and be assertive at the same time?
Yes, one can be assertive and forgive at the same time. When you forgive, please realize that you should not ignore justice. Forgive and stand up for yourself. Yet, if you can practice forgiveness first and let some of your anger subside (if you are angry in these kinds of situations), then your assertiveness through justice-seeking is likely to be better. In other words, you are more likely to ask for only that which is necessary and not, out of anger, take a “pound of flesh” from the other person. When we are less angry we are likely to be more civil.
Colorado Shooting Victim Offers Forgiveness
National Catholic Reporter – Aurora, CO, theater shooting victim Pierce O’Farrill, who survived after being shot three times, has offered his forgiveness to James Holmes, the alleged shooter. Twelve people were killed and 58 more injured when a gunman entered the theater during the midnight premiere of The Dark Knight Rises and opened fire on the crowd.
Shortly after emerging from surgery, O’Farrill was interviewed by radio host Todd Schnitt. Asked what he would say to Holmes, O’Farrill responded, “I’m truly blessed to have forgiveness in my heart, and I do forgive him completely for what he’s done.”
“I honestly would like to see him. I would like to talk to him. I’m a man of deeply devoted faith,” O’Farrill explained. “Jesus is my world, and Jesus is how I get through every single day; and that’s how I got through this ordeal.”
O’Farrill said that he has been praying for Holmes, and if he had the chance to speak with him, “the first words that I would say are: ‘I forgive you, James.'”
The 28-year-old, who works as the vehicle donation coordinator for the Denver Rescue Mission, said that he “was blessed” to survive the shooting and emphasized that what happened was “not God’s fault.”
He also said that he believes Holmes should receive life in prison rather than the death penalty.
Roman Catholic Archbishop Samuel Aquila of Denver, said that O’Farrill’s willingness to forgive such a “heinous evil” shows “the depth of his faith.”
Archbishop Aquila stressed that while it might take time, forgiveness is important in ultimately healing the wounds left by sin and avoiding continued resentment and bitterness.
“Forgiveness for the Christian is absolutely essential,” he said. “We have to remember that Jesus Christ himself died a violent death and that he forgave from the cross.”
Lawyers and Forgiveness
The lawyer, Thurman W. Arnold III, is in the business of resolving conflict. He is well aware of the mayhem that conflict causes as he states on this blog: “We live in what seems to be an increasingly mad and insane world. The conflict cycles that resentment spawns are evident, in the extreme, by the headlines of each day’s newspaper.”
What I admire about him is this: In the context of divorce, he would prefer that couples resolve their differences through forgiveness than to separate through divorce. If you think about it, he is losing money by doing that. After all, if all couples reconciled, he would never have any lawyer’s business. If we follow the logic of it, he would be out of a job. And yet, this does not concern him. He would prefer that the truth of marriage be played out in the hearts and minds of the married than that resentments be played out in the courts.
On the website, Laywers.com, there is a fascinating essay defending the use of forgiveness in both civil and criminal issues. In civil matters, private parties are in disagreement. The website poses and answers an important question: “Can you forgive? Of course. Just because you suffered some type of injury or damage doesn’t mean you have to file a lawsuit. In fact, sometimes it may not be a good idea to file one.”
But what about criminal matters, where a love-one was murdered, for example? Does forgiveness have a place here? The writer at Lawyers.com sees a place for forgiveness even here: “For instance, prosecutors can choose whether or not to file criminal charges against someone. They’re not required to bring everyone accused of a crime to trial. This is called prosecutorial discretion. For example, a wife who killed her physically abusive husband technically may have committed manslaughter, but the circumstances of the case may make a prosecutor choose not to charge her with the crime.”
Our own website here shows many instances in which a victim of a crime forgives. See, for example, this story in which a woman forgives a man who killed her mother. In forgiving, she has an opportunity to reduce toxic anger, that may remain regardless of a legal decision because no legal decision is likely to eliminate the inner pain to the degree that forgiveness does.
Our hats are off to these highly principled lawyers, who put the principles of forgiveness and healing above their own self-interests.
R.E.
I have seen that various groups have a “forgiveness day.” What is your opinion of that? Can we forgive in a day?
The idea of a Forgiveness Day, I think, is simply to bring awareness to people of the importance of forgiving. If people begin to think that they can wrap up all of their resentments in one grand, 24-hour effort to forgive all people for all offenses, I think this is unrealistic. Forgiveness is a process that can take time (weeks or months) and all who promote forgiveness days should make that clear.
