Author Archive: doctorbobenright
Isn’t anger a natural part of reacting to injustice? When we forgive, do we suppress some anger?
Anger does seem to be a natural part of reacting to injustice. We need to remember that anger can be felt and expressed along a continuum. If the anger is short-lived and not extremely intense, then it can be useful in energizing a person who then strives to correct the injustice. When the anger becomes extreme, both in its duration and its intensity, forgiveness can be one effective way of controlling that anger. Forgiveness exercised in the right way (by not denying the injustice and not denying the angry reaction) can actually reduce the anger. When this happens, the anger is not suppressed, but instead is diminished.
Are there some offenses that are so bad that they are unforgivable?
There are some offenses which some people will not forgive, but there is nothing I know in the world so horrible that no one has responded with forgiveness.
An example is the murder of one’s child. Many may not be ready to start a forgiveness process, but there are other people who would and have forgiven the murderer of their children.
We must be gentle with those who refuse to forgive. At the same time, we should not stand in disbelief when some do offer forgiveness in this circumstance.
Leaving a Legacy of Goodness
The Missoulian, Missoula, MT – On the 20th anniversary of her family’s deadly standoff with federal law enforcement officers at Ruby Ridge, Idaho, Sara Weaver is an advocate of forgiveness.
“Three years ago I Googled my name,” Weaver said, “and I thought “That’s not the legacy I want to leave for my son.'”
Weaver says she has made a distinction between forgiving someone and condoning what that person did. Forgiving simply meant she gave up holding onto the negative feelings and emotions of the incidents.
“It’s not like saying, ‘It’s sunny today, there’s a rainbow. I feel like forgiving someone today,'” she said. “It’s that in my heart and life, I’ve never got freedom from hanging onto toxic grudges.”
Sara Weaver was 16 when her father, Randy Weaver, got in a shootout with federal marshals at his cabin in northern Idaho. Deputy U.S. Marshal William Degan and Weaver’s 14-year-old son Sammy Weaver were both killed on the first day after officers tried to serve a warrant for weapons charges.
Sara Weaver’s mother, Vicki Weaver, was shot dead by an FBI sniper the next day, and her father and another man were wounded. The standoff lasted 11 days.
Forgiveness Without Humility
What Does Forgiveness Look Like Without Humility?
The philosopher and theologian, Augustine of Hippo, once said that humility is so important that it shapes all other virtues. Without humility, he reasoned, all other virtues only look like virtues, but are not.
If this is correct, then what might forgiveness look like without humility?
Four answers come to mind:
1) Without humility one could become afraid, fearing rejection from the other as one tries to offer the olive branch of forgiveness. Forgiveness then is silent.
2) Without humility one could become arrogant, thinking of oneself as better than others because, “Oh, what a good and virtuous person am I.” Forgiveness then is loud.
3) Without humility one could become condemning of the other. After all, he or she hurt you and you will not stand for that. Forgiveness then is dismissing.
4) Without humility one could become entitled. If I go to the trouble of forgiving, then the other had better pay me back in some way, with remorse, an apology, and affection. Forgiveness then is demanding.
Forgiveness with humility levels the moral playing field and so we can move ahead despite possible rejection, in a quiet way to honor the other, in a loving way as we see the other as possessing inherent worth, and with gratitude knowing that it is a privilege to offer such a gift to another.
R.E.
2002 Indonesian Bomb Blast: Mastermind Asks Forgiveness
AFP news – A horrendous bomb blast in a nightclub in Bali, Indonesia in 2002 killed over 200 people. The supposed mastermind behind the bomb attack, who could face the death penalty, asked, during his trial, forgiveness of victims’ families and of the Indonesian government. He said he played a small part in the plan and execution of the bomb. The forgiveness request calls into question the political use of forgiveness for gain. Full report here
