Author Archive: doctorbobenright

I am a Christian with a question that is bothering me. We use the expression, “being absolved from our sins.” God does the absolving. So, when I forgive, am I absolving a person from their sins? If only God can forgive sins, then am I absolving the person from the injustice?

From the viewpoint of Christian theology, when God absolves sins, then those sins are basically forgotten, put aside, and a new relationship ensues between God and the one who sinned. People do not “absolve” when they forgive. That is God’s job. We, instead, offer goodness toward the one who acted unjustly. Our forgiving is like God’s, from a theological perspective, in that we have mercy on the other, we try to help the other, and we are interested in his or her well-being. We are not like God in our forgiveness in the one sense of not absolving the sin or literally forgetting it (instead, we tend to remember in new ways) or taking away any spiritual or natural consequence that results from the sin. And you are right: When we forgive, we are not forgiving sins, we are forgiving people for injustices against us.

Thought for the day:

‘I know what love is’ was the emphatic statement of the simple man, Forrest Gump. ‘I know what love is’ is now your goal. And the paradox is that you may begin to find love out of the ashes of all your resentments and disappointments from hundreds of injustices inflicted on you by others. Yes, forgiveness is a paradox–as you practice a sense of love toward people whom you might currently consider to be unloveable, you develop a certain wisdom about both love and forgiveness. It is in the struggle to forgive that you find wholeness. As you practice forgiveness, you discover love in such a way that it is more natural, more readily available, more deeply expressed, and more consistently expressed by you across the board.

The Forgiving Life, page 20.

Miami Marlins’ Manager Mentions Castro and Firestorm Erupts

San Francisco Chronicle. Ozzie Guillen, the manager of the Miami Marlins, allegedly stated in Time magazine that he respects the retired Cuban leader, Fidel Castro, for staying in power for so long. The statement deeply offended Cuban Americans, part of the solid fan base of the baseball team. In Little Havana yesterday, Guillen asked the people of Miami to forgive him for his statement. He said that he does not admire Castro. This controversy shows how statements from a community leader, not said directly to or about people in the community, can affect them deeply.

Is forgiving the same as getting rid of one’s anger toward someone?

Getting rid of anger toward the person who acted unfairly is one part of the definition of forgiveness, but not the only part. We first should make a distinction between healthy and unhealthy anger. Healthy anger stays within proper boundaries and does not impose or threaten. Unhealthy anger is deep and abiding, sometimes referred to as resentment, and can be harmful to self or others. Forgiveness is intended to reduce or even eliminate unhealthy anger. At the same time, there is more to forgiveness than this. A person can reduce unhealthy anger and be rather dismissive of the other person (“She is not worth the effort. I will just put her aside.”) Forgiveness is never dismissive of others, but instead the forgiver tries to see the unconditional worth in the one being forgiven.

Sacramento Bee Newspaper Offers Tips for Forgiving

Sacramento Bee (California newspaper). A “life coach” and a “motivational speaker” offer some helpful tips in the newspaper today. Some of these include: realizing that forgiveness is a marathon not a sprint (the newspaper actually had a typo on that, stating that it is a sprint, but the context clearly shows that this was not meant). Start small and work up to the big issues; although we cannot go back in time and reverse what happened, we can reverse how we think and feel about the incident.