Our Forgiveness Blog

On Playing Among the Bomb Threats: A Call for Forgiveness Education

Today I am in the Middle East, in an open-air restaurant, reflecting on the human condition.

The personal water crafts are dancing on the Mediterranean Sea, which looks today like it is a liquid diamond in the sun.  Boys are showing their bravado by jumping off of a 50 foot wall into this liquid jewel, a playground for those with imagination and a willingness to take some risks.

All of those at play seem oblivious to the fact that they are in a playground about 20 miles from another country which has sworn retribution.

Now to a nursery where innocent babies are sleeping peacefully as if they are safe. They are in an upper room in a school, in a daycare center. Beneath them are the older children whose classrooms quite literally are bomb shelters with thick metal casings for the windows and heavy concrete to keep the mayhem at bay.

The contrast between the playfulness and peace existing alongside the threats and the bomb shelters is jarring.  How can human beings be willing to blow apart those on the water crafts or to tear the limbs off of the sleeping innocents, all in the name of something that is far less important that those at play and rest?

How have human priorities gotten so twisted that the latest “ism” takes precedence over persons?  Can we train the minds and hearts of the young to see that limbs are fragile, that the human soul can be wounded in such a way that those who are wounded now go on missions to destroy….even on days in which the Mediterranean Sea dances with delight and babies sleep though an illusion of peace?  We need forgiveness education…..now.

Robert

Musings on Forgiveness and Homelessness

His eyes are still haunting me.  A young man, back to a lamppost, cup in outstretched hand.  Desperate eyes.  “Please help me” he says without using words. People pass by as if he were invisible.  I can tell that he knows others think he is invisible.  The loneliness must be crushing.  The desperation seems even worse.

I have to wonder what trauma in his life contributed to his being on this Belfast, Northern Ireland street at such a young and vulnerable age. Who convinced him that he is less than a person?  He seems to believe that, but I am not sure.  I do know with certainty that he is now feeling desperate and his life line is his cup and the passers-by who could extend a hand to his outstretched hand.  And yet, he is invisible.  Had those who were with him in childhood actually seen him and responded to him as a true, worthwhile person, would he be here now….like this….with a cup…..and eyes that cry out, “Help me!”?

All of us need to start training our eyes and hearts to see the desperate eyes and wounded hearts of those who are invisible.

Robert

Helpful Forgiveness Hint

Forgiveness is not just an act of the will. It takes time and the cultivation of gentleness. It cannot be rushed and so please be sure to cultivate that gentleness toward yourself as you start on a forgiveness journey.

Robert

On Being Gentle with Yourself when Hurt by Others

Guarding against your own false accusations against yourself is very important. At the same time, please add the practice of being gentle with yourself.  By this I mean, try to foster a sense of quiet within, an acceptance of yourself within.  Try to respond inwardly to yourself as you would toward someone whom you love deeply.  In other words, allow yourself to be imperfect and when you are, please guard against a harsh inner voice that condemns.  You have been wounded and so you need that sense of self-acceptance in all aspects of your life right now.

The next time you make an error, be aware of how you are talking to yourself internally.  Check to see if you are using the inner-whip against yourself and then stop this immediately.  Instead, please turn to this: I am wounded inside. I do not need another wound, especially one that is inflicted from within.  It is time to be gentle with myself.

Robert

Forgiveness as Preventing Further Chaos After the Original Injustice

An admired colleague of mine lost her child to kidnapping and murder when the child was just entering her teenage years.  This event was so shocking, so vicious that it started to enter into the mother’s heart.  She said that she would have gladly killed the man if she could and would have done so while she smiled.  Yet, in time she realized that her entire being was being transformed by the effects of the resentment living within her….and she did not like at all who she was becoming.

The killer was about to take a second victim, the mother, as she emotionally degenerated because of the stress and monstrous nature of the act.  She chose to forgive instead and her life took on great meaning.  She became a conduit of good for her other children.  She began to show them a new way, one based on goodness instead of the absence of goodness.  The children were able to see this new way and to take that goodness into their own hearts.  A life of meaning and purpose in service to others grew in the heart of the family.

The killer did not claim them as other victims and there was triumph.  The mother came to realize that  profound injustice can kill without even touching another–but it did not happen here.  There is something so powerful about realizing that forgiveness helps us stand against the chaos of cruelty and triumph over it even when the grave injustice has had its way for a while. It no longer continues to have its way because the absence of good (the chaotic injustice) is met by goodness itself and goodness is the one that seems to win in the long run.

Robert