Ask Dr. Forgiveness
From your studies, when in human history was there a first mention of the inherent worth of all persons?
From my own studies, I think this idea of the inherent worth of all persons first appeared in Hebrew scripture thousands of years ago, in their very first book of Hebrew scripture, Genesis 1, where it says that people are made in the image and likeness of God. The idea is repeated in that same chapter. Given that the Hebrews knew God as infinitely worthwhile, it follows that people also have worth, even if they behave unjustly toward you.
A tornado recently destroyed part of my community. It has been rumored that someone called on us to “take the higher ground and forgive.” This does not seem quite right to me. What is your opinion?
Because forgiveness is a moral virtue, it concerns goodness toward persons not inanimate objects. A goal of forgiving is to possibly enter into a new relationship with another person. Because you cannot enter into a relationship with a tornado, it follows that you do not forgive such weather events.
Are you sure that forgiveness is a process? I have been taught that if I say, “I forgive you,” that is sufficient and forgiving has been completed.
Saying, “I forgive you” is a good step if you truly mean it from the heart. People can say, “I forgive you” to a boss who requests forgiveness, but the “I forgive you” is said insincerely to keep a job, as resentment remains. In other words, saying “I forgive you” can be part of forgiving, but please keep in mind that forgiving includes an internal transformation of reduced anger and a softened heart toward the one who offended. If deep anger remains in your heart, then you may need to reduce that anger, otherwise you could be trapped with resentment for a long time to come. That would not be fair to you or to a genuinely improved relationship.
What questions can I ask myself to determine whether or not I have been treated unjustly?
I would recommend these questions to ask yourself:
Does your conscience convince you that what the other did was wrong?
If so, try to label what was unjust. Then try to label the extent of the injustice — Is it a minor issue or a more serious issue?
Further, ask yourself this: Am I denying my own part in this? In other words, did I push this person to anger? This does not justify harsh behavior on the part of the other, but it may reduce the degree to which you label the behavior as deeply unjust or not.
Still further, are you denying the culpability on the part of the other? In other words, sometimes we enable bad behavior by not wanting to confront the person or challenge the person to change. Is this happening to you? If so, then perhaps the injustice is more serious than you are admitting right now.
I am a mental health professional. Some people want a quicker fix than what your Process Model offers. Can you recommend a brief therapy instead?
Because forgiveness is a moral virtue, it is not possible to artificially push it into a traditional psychological set of techniques that might lead to quick forgiveness. If the injustice is serious against your client and the hurt deep within that client, then time and practice definitely are recommended. It will be worth the effort because we find that traditional psychological techniques are not a substitute for a true struggle to grow in this heroic moral virtue. A meta-analysis by Aktar and Barlow show statistically that longer periods of time in forgiving (12 and even more sessions) are more effective than short-term therapy of 4-6 sessions. Here is a reference to that meta-analysis:
Akhtar, S., & Barlow, J. (2018). Forgiveness therapy for the promotion of mental well-being: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Trauma, Violence, & Abuse, 19(1), 107-122.
