Ask Dr. Forgiveness

My partner has a temper.  It is easier for me to just give in and pretend that everything is ok.  Is this ultimately not healthy for me?

Going along with injustices that you clearly see as disruptive to your relationship and to you personally is not healthy. The resentment can lead to anxiety, psychological depression, and low self-esteem.  I suggest that you forgive first and then from that position, ask something of your partner.  If you point out your inner pain, then the partner may see the necessity for change.  Of course, not everyone takes this cue that they have to change, but it is a good starting point to see if it works in your case.

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It has come into my mind lately that I have anger issues with a person from my childhood who treated me badly.  I also notice that I have been pushing away the memories and when I do that, I am fine, at least for a while.  Do you think I need to forgive or is it ok to just push the memories away and not think about the person?

It seems to me that you may need, at some point, to do the important work of forgiving. I say that because you say you can push the memories away only “for a while.” In other words, they keep coming back. If you forgive, you likely will remember what happened to you, but you will remember in new ways, without so much anger.

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I have been forgiving my ex and all of a sudden I am finding that I have bigger problems with my father.  What do I do now?  Do I continue with my ex or turn to forgiving my father?

Who has caused you more hurt, your ex or your father? I would recommend dealing with the one who is causing you less pain because it is easier to forgive those with whom you are less angry. This will give you a chance to learn the forgiveness process well. You then can turn to the more challenging situation.

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Is temporary denial healthy?

Humans characteristically use psychological defenses to keep them from pain for which they are not ready. Thus, temporary denial can be a protection for people before they are ready to confront an unpleasant or threatening situation. If the denial goes on too long, say, for years, then this may prevent the person from working on healthy ways of dealing with one’s own weaknesses or the injustices from others.

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