Ask Dr. Forgiveness

I can sympathize with my sister who hurt me, but I have a hard time empathizing with her (stepping inside her shoes, so to speak, and feeling what it is like being her). Can I ever feel compassion for her without empathy?

Not being able to empathize with your sister today does not mean you will never be able to do this.  Empathy can open the door to compassion.  Sympathy, or feeling sorry for her, also may be such a door to the eventual development of compassion.  Yet, as you are seeing, empathy is the deeper, more challenging perspective.  Here are some questions that might help you with empathy toward your sister:  Was your sister hurt by others some time in the past?  How deeply was she hurt?  Is she still carrying those wounds?  Can you see your sister’s struggles in life?  Your answers may induce a greater empathy for her as you see her wounds from her perspective.

Please follow and like us:

In my experience, the longer a person harbors deep anger, then the longer pain and even a sense of hopelessness seem to rule their lives. As a person practices compassion in the face of others’ pain, the greater the likelihood that you are setting yourself and even your family free from pain (that started within you). So, I think it is really important to conquer that pain through forgiveness not only for yourself but also for loved ones. What do you think about this?

I agree with you and have nothing more to add to your wisdom.  All that you say makes sense to me.

Please follow and like us:

I have a friend who uses sarcasm a lot. He ends up hurting people and then says, “Oh, come on! I was only kidding.” I suspect hidden and deep anger in him. What do you think?

If this is a pattern and if he sees that others are hurt (which you imply that he does), then, yes, I suspect the same: hidden (from him) and deep anger.  He may need to courageously explore who has hurt him in the past and try to practice forgiving, if he chooses.  It might lessen or even eliminate his hurtful sarcasm.

Please follow and like us:

Would there even be a need for forgiveness to exist if people never reacted with toxic or unhealthy anger?

Forgiving others is not done exclusively because it has excellent psychological benefits, shown by research.  Forgiving others also is good in and of itself because it is a moral virtue (as are justice and kindness and respect).  Showing goodness as the goal of forgiving (rather than deriving a psychological benefit) is sufficient for forgiveness to be a part of your and others’ life.  To address your point directly, as we both know, reacting to injustices only with temperate, short-term (not unhealthy) anger is not likely as part of the human condition.  Thus, the need for forgiveness, for psychological reasons, will continue to be alive and well on this earth.

Please follow and like us: