Forgiveness News

Teaching Children About Forgiveness Results in Mature Adult Thinking About Forgiveness

December 11, 2019 No comments

“If you’ve seen your children struggle to forgive someone for hurting them, you know that forgiveness is complicated,” says Dr. Robert Enright, co-founder of the International Forgiveness Institute. “After all, forgiveness is complicated for adults, too.”

Rather than discourage us, however, that reality should in fact encourage parents and teachers to begin teaching children about forgiveness as early as possible and certainly by the time they are in pre-kindergarten, Dr. Enright outlines in an article posted yesterday in Greater Good Magazine. Entitled How We Think About Forgiveness at Different Ages, the article describes how a child’s understanding of forgiving develops as she grows older.

“In over 30 years of studying forgiveness, I have interviewed children and adolescents, as well as college students and adults—and found that our understanding of forgiveness evolves over childhood and young adulthood, partly influenced by what we learn from our parents and communities,” Dr. Enright says.

“Helping our children reach their highest level of forgiving can set them up to  live a life without unhealthy anger and with more peace.”
Dr. Robert Enright

Dr. Enright’s research indicates that no matter what age a child is at, he starts with some misconceptions about forgiveness including these:

  • Young children often believe that the proclamation of “I am sorry” followed by the automatic reply of “I forgive you” can solve any conflict.
  • Fourth graders often equate it with first getting even.
  • Many 9 to 10-year-old children think they could forgive and make up with classmates only if those classmates first got what they deserved–punishment for their misbehavior.
  • Compared to fourth graders, seventh graders usually develop what is called a “reciprocal perspective” where they can think of themselves and others at the same time but they often say it will be easier to forgive if they are first compensated for what happened to them.
  • Many 10th graders take a more complex view of forgiving where the focus is on their peer group and their family context. Here they can understand that forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation, and that it is possible to forgive while seeking justice. At the same time, however, there is a tendency to occasionally over-emphasize the advice of the peer group. If the group frowns on the idea of forgiving, then the person may refrain from offering the mercy of forgiveness toward those who were unfair.

Those and other misconceptions children hold about forgiveness can be overcome as they learn and practice true forgiveness, according to Dr. Enright.

“Children can reach a profound understanding of forgiveness in adulthood by persistently practicing it, with the help of parents, when they are hurt by others,” Dr. Enright adds. “Such learning, begun early in life, is a building block for mature adult thinking about forgiveness. Worldwide, it is one path toward peace.”

Read the full article: How We Think About Forgiveness at Different Ages

 

Through articles, videos, quizzes, and podcasts, Greater Good Magazine bridges the gap between scientific journals and people’s daily lives, particularly for parents, educators, business leaders, and health care professionals. Its goal is to turn scientific research into tools and tips for a happier life and a more compassionate society.

Greater Good Magazine is published by the Greater Good Science Center (GGSC) at the University of California, Berkeley. Since 2001, the GGSC has been at the fore of a new scientific movement to explore the roots of happy and compassionate individuals, strong social bonds, and altruistic behavior—the science of a meaningful life.

Learn more at the Greater Good Science Center:

Green Bay Packers Foundation Provides Grant to IFI’s “Drive for Others’ Lives” Campaign

December 7, 2019 No comments

The Green Bay Packers Foundation on Wednesday awarded a grant to the International Forgiveness Institute (IFI) for its “Drive for Others’ Lives” driver safety campaign.  Dr. Robert Enright, founder of the IFI, accepted the award during an exclusive award-winners luncheon in the 5-story tall Lambeau Field Atrium adjacent to historic Lambeau Field in Green Bay, WI.

“We’re proud to award a record $1 million through our annual Packers Foundation grants this year,” Packers President/CEO Mark Murphy said at the event. “We are inspired by the outstanding recipient organizations, who have critical roles in the community and the positive impact thy have on those they serve every day.”

To be eligible, an organization must have been:

  • Physically located in the state of Wisconsin;
  • A not-for-profit tax exempt organization under section 501(c)(3) of the IRS code; and,
  • Requesting funding for a project/program that addresses issues for at least one of the  focus areas for 2019 that were animal welfare, civic and community, environmental, health and wellness (including drug/alcohol and domestic violence causes).

IFI co-founder Dr. Robert Enright accepted an award from the Green Bay Packers Foundation at a Dec. 4 ceremony in the stadium’s Atrium.

“The IFI grant application focused on the central shared idea between forgiveness and safe driving that all people are special, unique, and irreplaceable and thus all have inherent worth,” Dr. Enright explained after accepting the Green Bay Packers Foundation check. “We need to drive–and live–with this in mind.” 

The “Drive for Others’ Lives” campaign was created by the IFI using scientifically-tested forgiveness principles to encourage development of prosocial behaviors that will help save the lives of drivers, vehicle passengers, and pedestrians.
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The multi-faceted campaign includes free distribution of professionally-designed vehicle bumper stickers imprinted with the “Drive for Others’ Lives” slogan. The 11½” x 3″ bumper stickers have a glossy finish that will last for years and the removable adhesive backing will not leave any residue on the surface where it is affixed. More than 2,000 bumper stickers have been distributed by the IFI since the campaign began earlier this year.

“The bumper sticker will alert everyone who sees it to remember that safe driving practices are not only for you and your occupants but for everyone, because every person is important and every person has inherent worth,” Dr. Enright added. “This idea of inherent worth is basic to all of the forgiveness work we undertake.”

The annual grant program through which the IFI received its award is a component of Green Bay Packers Give Back, the Foundation’s all-encompassing community outreach initiative.  Including this year’s grants, the Foundation now has distributed more than $12.68 million for charitable purposes since it was established in 1986 by Judge Robert J. Parins, then president of the Packers Corporation, “as a vehicle to assure continued contributions to charity.”

  • To learn more about the “Drive for Others’ Lives” campaign, CLICK HERE.
  • To get your free bumper stickers, CLICK HERE.

The “DRIVE FOR OTHERS’ LIVES” bumper sticker was prominently displayed as part of a slide presentation in the Lambeau Field Atrium during the awards luncheon.

Volunteers in Syracuse, New York, Reach Out to Spread the Word About Forgiveness Education

December 6, 2019 No comments

Mary Lou Coons is one of those always-optimistic individuals who uses every tool available to her to overcome life’s adversities–like the brain and spinal cord maladies that have caused her to endure repeated surgeries and years of suffering. Not one to be slowed down by such difficulties, Mary Lou decided to become a self-appointed “forgiveness ambassador” and has been on a mission to teach as many others as she can about the benefits of forgiveness.

This year alone, Mary Lou (who lives in Syracuse, NY) has:

  • Single-handedly convinced her parish elementary school to adopt Forgiveness Education in all of its classrooms from pre-kindergarten

    Mary Lou Coons with her puppet Lily.

    through 6th grade;

  • Organized and set up a booth to promote forgiveness to the more than 1,000 attendees at a Women’s Conference in Syracuse, NY–resulting in more of the state’s schools considering the use of Forgiveness Curriculum Guides; 
  • Developed Forgiveness Education videos featuring her puppet Lily through the Puppets For Peace Foundation she established 13-years-ago; and,
  • Introduced Dr. Enright and his staff to two native-Rwandan missionaries who quickly agreed to teach the IFI Forgiveness Education Program in three grade schools they established following the Rwandan Civil War and Genocide.

Mary Lou first contacted the International Forgiveness Institute (IFI) more than seven years ago just days after her second Chiari Malformation brain surgery (technically known as posterior fossa decompression surgery) at a Milwaukee, WI hospital. She had learned that IFI-founder Dr. Robert Enright was pioneering Forgiveness Education work with children and she thought her passion for ventriloquism and puppets could somehow supplement those efforts.

Surgery after surgery, recovery after recovery, Mary Lou never abandoned her passion for her Puppets For Peace Foundation and its mission of “spreading peace, love and joy to others.” With love and forgiveness at the heart of all her efforts, Mary Lou says she learned “how to suffer well” and how to give hope to others who were struggling, too.

“In order to suffer well, you need to love,” Mary Lou writes in one of her website blog entries. “When suffering is accepted with love, it is no longer suffering, but is changed into joy.”

Earlier this year, Mary Lou decided to talk about Dr. Enright’s forgiveness curriculum with one of the pre-K teachers at Holy Family School–a Roman Catholic elementary school on the west edge of Syracuse. That teacher, Nancy Whelan, was so impressed that she arranged a meeting for Mary Lou with the school’s principal, Sister Christina Marie Luczynski.

Shortly after that meeting, Holy Family School officially joined the scores of other  elementary schools in the state of New York and around the country that teach Forgiveness Education at every grade level. That IFI program uses proven Social Emotional Learning (SEL) techniques to teach students about the five moral qualities most important in forgiving another person–inherent worth, moral love, kindness, respect and generosity–and has been scientifically proven to benefit students by decreasing anger, increasing empathy and cooperation, and improving academic achievement.

Mary Lou Coons and Holy Family School teacher Nancy Whelan distributed forgiveness education materials at the October 26th 10th Annual Syracuse (NY) Catholic Women’s Conference.

Not content to recruit just one school into the program, Mary Lou teamed up with Nancy Whelan again and this time the dynamic duo set up a display booth at the 10th Annual Syracuse Catholic Women’s Conference. Together, the two women staffed a Forgiveness Education booth and tried to get forgiveness materials into the hands of every one of the more than 1,000 attendees crowded into the Convention Center for the Oct. 26 event.

Their on-site efforts and follow-up contacts resulted in several other Syracuse-area schools now considering using the IFI’s Forgiveness Education Curriculum Guides. Equally important, hundreds of New York women learned about the importance of forgiveness with many of them searching online for additional information causing a spike in the number of visitors to the IFI website following the Conference.

As part of her ongoing forgiveness mission, Mary Lou is now planning to develop a series of short videos with her favorite puppet Lily about forgiveness education and love. You can view one of her pilot vignettes called “Forgiveness Education” on her Puppets For Peace website.

Learn More:

Editor’s Note: Details on Forgiveness Education in Rwanda will be posted here shortly.

New Study Praises Forgiveness as a “Protective Factor That Can Break the Cycle of Violence”

December 5, 2019 No comments

Researchers in Spain have just completed a cyberbullying study with 1,665 secondary school students that not only indicates “forgiveness is a protective factor that can act to break the cycle of violence and improve general health” but that  “anticyberbullying interventions need to focus on promoting forgiveness in adolescents.” 

The study is titled “Forgiveness and cyberbullying in adolescence: Does willingness to forgive help minimize the risk of becoming a cyberbully?” It was conducted by psychology professors at the University of Malaga on the southern coast of Spain and was published in the journal Computers in Human Behavior (Vol. 81).

According to the study, adolescents who are subject to cyberbullying (the use of electronic communication to bully a person, typically by sending messages of an intimidating or threatening nature), feel a variety of negative emotions such as shame, anger, guilt, and helplessness.  Those feelings often lead the victims to “bully back” so as to defend themselves or to exact revenge and those behaviors can negatively impact adolescent adjustment.

Consistent with that line of reasoning, the study’s authors say that the strongest predictor of engaging in cyberbullying is being a previous victim of bullying or cyberbullying.  When a victim of bullying and/or cyberbullying turns into a bully, the cycle of violence promulgates itself.

According to the study, however, ” forgiveness is a protective factor that can act to break the cycle of violence and improve general health.” Further, because “forgiveness is a strength that involves the reduction of negative emotions, thoughts, and behaviors, and an increase in more positive feelings, forgiveness can be an effective resource for ameliorating the aggressive states associated with being victimized, and reducing negative reactions to other people’s behavior.”

The authors add that their findings “confirm that lower levels of forgiveness (in students) can represent a risk for cyberbullying aggression. In addition, forgiveness appears to be a key element for addressing the limitations of traditional anti-bullying programs and for helping victims overcome interpersonal transgressions.” 

Students in the study (825 males and 840 females) were in 7th to 12th grades, ranged in age from 11 to 20 years (with a mean age of 14.1 years), and attended six different public schools in Malaga, Spain. The researchers were Lourdes Rey and Cirenia Quintana-Ort.

“One promising personal resource that seems to protect individuals after interpersonal transgressions is forgiveness.”
Cirenia Quintana-Ort

In the study’s conclusion, the authors contend that: 1) applying forgiveness interventions may help reduce the likelihood that one will turn into a bully, even after being cyberbullied oneself; 2) that forgiveness could be used as an important adjunct to current approaches for reducing cyberbullying aggression; and, 3) that it would be useful to include evidence-based interventions on forgiveness in the field of anti-bullying interventions.

None of that comes as a surprise to Dr. Robert Enright, founder of the International Forgiveness Institute (IFI), who developed The Anti-Bullying Forgiveness Program seven years ago in 2012–the year Hurricane Sandy devastated the East Coast and the year US President Barack Obama was re-elected to his second term.

“It has always been our contention that bullying starts from within, as anger, and comes out as displaced anger onto the victim,” Dr. Enright says, acknowledging that he has long known what the Spain study disclosed. “Forgiveness targets that anger and then reduces it, thus reducing or eliminating the displaced anger which comes out as bullying.”

Because Dr. Enright wants to share this program and its positive benefits with as many teachers, counselors and parents as possible, the IFI is making the Anti-Bullying Forgiveness Program available at no cost. Click here to get your free copy.

LEARN MORE ON THE IFI WEBSITE:

Abortion Survivor Forgives Her Mother and Father

November 21, 2019 No comments

Melissa Ohden’s mother was 19 years old, unmarried, and eight months pregnant in August 1977 when she went to a hospital in Iowa for the first step in what the medical profession calls a “hypertonic saline abortion.” Five days later, and unknown to her mother, Melissa was born alive and the staff left her to die in a pile of medical waste.

Soon after the birth, however, another nurse entered the delivery room, heard a faint rustling noise, and discovered Melissa still alive. The nurse rushed Melissa to the neonatal intensive care unit where the 2 lb. 14 oz. child was treated for jaundice, respiratory distress, and seizures but miraculously survived.

Melissa was released from the hospital three months later to the care of a loving couple in a nearby community that adopted and raised her alongside their own children. Years later, when Melissa learned that she was adopted, she began a quest to find–and forgive–her parents.

After seventeen years of fruitless searching, Melissa was finally able to track down her father who did not respond to her queries prior to his death. Through her father’s relatives, however, she was able to get enough information to find her mother who had married another man. Her mother, who had no idea her daughter had survived the abortion attempt, said she had felt guilty every day since then about what she had done.

In an interview with the Daily Mail (a daily newspaper in London, UK), Melissa shared her incredible story and explained how she has forgiven her mother and father–as well as her grandmother who was apparently the major catalyst for the abortion. 

“It’s been a long and painful journey from shame and anger to faith and forgiveness. But I refuse to be poisoned by bitterness — that’s no way to live,” Melissa told the reporter. “Through my Catholic faith I have learned to forgive. It doesn’t make what happened okay, but it releases you from the pain. We are all human and we all make mistakes. I have only forgiveness in my heart. . .”

Melissa, now 42 years old, is married with two children of her own. She has a master’s degree in social work , is an accomplished motivational speaker, and has also started an organization called the Abortion Survivors Network. She wrote an engaging book about her life: You Carried Me: A Daughter’s Memoir, and is the subject of the 2011 award-winning documentary, A Voice for Life.