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New Study: Forgiveness Makes Kids Happier
It might be worth our while to move beyond “I’m sorry” as the be-all and end-all goal of conflict resolution for children. To raise happier children, we should take steps that lead to a lot more “I forgive you’s.”
That’s one of the dramatic take-aways of a just-completed study by three researchers at Radboud University Nijmegen in the Netherlands. In a sample of 275 nine- to 13-year-olds who completed self-reported and behavioral measures of forgiveness and various indicators of psychological well-being, the study found that forgiveness can help children maintain strong relationships and improve psychological well-being.
According to the authors, it’s long been known that peer and friendship relations in late childhood play an essential role in children’s social, emotional, and cognitive development. The research shows that friendships are associated with a greater sense of well-being, better self-esteem, and fewer social problems, both concurrently and later in life.
In contrast, children and adolescents who lack close friendships are more likely to manifest behavioral and emotional problems during childhood and even adulthood. Children who are less forgiving have lower self-esteem, are more socially anxious, and are more likely to engage in deviant behaviors.
The study also emphasized the need for early childhood forgiveness education, particularly during stages in which friendships are most important, such as in early childhood when children start to untie their parental bonds and increasingly focus on relationships with peers. In late adolescence, when the emphasis shifts from friendships to partner relationships, or during adulthood, when individuals spend less time with their friends, the association between forgiving friends and well-being may be weaker.
Read more:
Does Forgiveness Make Kids Happier?
⇒ An article in Greater Good, the Science of a Meaningful Life
Interpersonal Forgiveness and Psychological Well-being in Late Childhood ⇒ Access to the complete study
Why We Need Forgiveness Education. . .NOW
⇒ A blog post by Dr. Robert Enr
Just Released: New Training Video by Dr. Enright – “Forgiveness Therapy in Practice”
Forgiveness is the process of uncovering and letting go of anger at someone who has caused pain. This process can be the path to healing in many situations, as anger is frequently at the core of a client’s issues and may be the center of a number of disorders.
The forgiveness therapy model is flexible enough to be integrated into any therapeutic approach. Fostering forgiveness in therapy involves uncovering the depth of the client’s anger, obtaining commitment to forgive, and working on being able to forgive. The final phase of this therapy is the discovery of meaning in what has been suffered, finding a new purpose in life, and exploring one’s own faults and the need to be forgiven by others.
In this 100-minute video program, Dr. Enright demonstrates his approach to forgiveness therapy with a female client who feels hurt by her mother.
This video, produced by the APA, is not available for sale on this website.
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“Forgiveness is a decision. . . a daily decision.”
WOWO News-Talk Radio, Indianapolis, Ind., USA – A 28-year-old mother was fatally shot during an apparent robbery at her home in Indianapolis last November. Police say she was beaten and sexually assaulted before she was killed.
Amanda Blackburn was 12-weeks pregnant with her second child at the time of her death. Now, Amanda’s husband, Davey Blackburn, says he has decided to forgive the three men charged in her death.
“What I realized was that forgiveness isn’t an emotion. I wasn’t ever going to feel like forgiving them,” Blackburn said. “Just point blank: You’re never going to feel like forgiving someone for doing something to you that’s irreparable.”
Blackburn added, “What I realized is that forgiveness is a decision. And it’s not just a one-time decision. It’s a daily decision. I have to wake up and I have to decide to forgive. And here’s why I decided to decide to forgive. It’s because bitterness and unforgiveness is going to be a cancer to no one else except for me. And it’s going to eat me up inside if I hold on to that.”
Blackburn, who helped found Resonate Church in Indianapolis in 2012, also said he hopes he can eventually share his faith with the three accused men.
Read more:
» Husband of slain Indianapolis wife says he will forgive accused killers » Memorial For Slain Indianapolis Woman Draws More Than 2K People
Mother Forgives Hit-and-Run Driver Who Killed Her 4-Year-Old Son
The Philadelphia Inquirer, Philadelphia, PA, USA – Four-year-old Abdul “Latif” Wilson was playing outside with his two brothers when he scampered between parked cars and into the road on April 13, 2015. A surveillance video caught grainy images of Shanika Mason, 28, hitting Latif with the rented Ford Edge she was driving, her own three children in the back seat. Mason apparently panicked and drove off before turning herself in the next day.
Mason, who pleaded guilty, was sentenced to 2-5 years in state prison for “letting panic overtake decency” that night. At Mason’s sentencing hearing, Latif’s mother Dominique Lockwood, 30, despite choking back sobs, was eloquent and dignified as she read the three-page statement she’d handwritten.
“I look at what now is my past merging into my future,” Lockwood said. “It’s a sharp pain that goes through my heart – the very heart my baby boy once listened to as he slept while I kept him safe, healthy and warm in my belly.”
Although she was in obvious pain, Lockwood didn’t talk out of anger. Instead, she talked about how she has found a new way to go on, for her own sake and for that of her surviving children, Samaj, 9, and Everett, 6.
“I can only live on by having faith that this very sharp pain that cuts deep down in my heart is just my intelligent baby boy letting me know he didn’t go anywhere,” she said. “I forgive you, Miss Mason, as hard as it is to say. I have to forgive you so that my own heart can be as pure as my baby’s so that I can be with him again one day.”
In memory of Latif, Lockwood has founded a nonprofit called Embracing God’s Angels. Its mission is to lend a hand to those who’ve lost loved ones suddenly – perhaps to help pay for a headstone or for a day of pampering in the aftermath of loss.
“It is hard. I cry every day for my child. But I have to keep moving forward in forgiveness and goodness,” Lockwood said.
Read the full story: In court, a day of sadness & forgiveness in hit-and-run
Forgiveness Education Expands in Lebanon
Saida, Southern Lebanon – About 40 miles south of Lebanon’s capital of Beirut, the International Forgiveness Institute – Lebanon is making major inroads into the sectarian violence that has disrupted and crippled the country for years. Calling its program “Forgiveness Education for Violence Prevention and Peace Building,” the Lebanon effort is headed up by Ramy Darwich Taleb who grew up in the northern part of the country. Here is Ramy’s most recent progress report on the IFI program:
Our goal is to make forgiveness principles known throughout Lebanon with programs at schools, refugee camps, youth centers and churches because we believe that Forgiveness Education for Violence Prevention and Peace building brings about behavioral change that will help prevent conflict and the practice of violence.
Due to the cultural impact the younger generation is minted with the idea of taking revenge to defend one’s honor. Many have never heard of Forgiveness as an option of dealing with conflict in a peaceful way.
Ramy Darwich Taleb (in white sweater) works with students.
We are very glad to have been given the opportunity to implement the forgiveness program in a public school near Saida, the South of Lebanon. The school has a variety of Lebanese, Syrian, Palestinian and Gipsy students which depicts the miniature version of the situation in the whole country very well. Obviously these students have barely ever heard about forgiveness, which makes us even more excited and thankful to be able to impact these youth.
For the beginning we chose a group of 230 students from grade 1 to 9 that will partake in the 7 sessions Forgiveness program for 7 weeks. We divided the group into two groups, which means our Facilitators will work with the first 115 kids from February to March and the second group from April to May. The principle of the school seems to be very open to the program, so we might be able to establish a full year curriculum for the next school year.
Another Organisation called “Open Gates” in Saida that works with Bedouin women, invited us to provide a weekly program, starting in February for a group of 10 young women at the age of 17-28 that combines bible studies with the forgiveness program. These women live in a Muslim community but are interested in learning more about Jesus. They partake in a Jewellery project that provides work and a spiritual home for them.
IFI-Lebanon teamed up with other relief organizations last Sunday (Feb. 14) to conduct the first bridge-building event for Lebanese, Palestinian and Syrian youth in Lebanon. Through a day-long series of fun team activities, the event helped overcome hostility and break down barriers of sectarian division in Lebanon.
Read more about Bridge-Building activities in Lebanon.
In addition, our team strives to stay in contact with the youth groups from the Palestinian camp Shatila, the Lebanese/ Syrian Youth group from Barja and the Syrian students from grade 4 and 5 from the Syrian Refugee School in Choueifet, that already participated in the Forgiveness Program. We scheduled a meeting with every youth group individually once a month and plan a monthly event with all of the groups together to work on reconciliation between these opposing people groups. For this month we will have an activity by the sea with surfing opportunities and games.
During our work in the Shatila camp we have recognized a need of relief work within the camp. We got in contact with 3 families that are in need of medical or financial support that we want to address. Therefor we plan on visiting these families every other week, to bring the message of forgiveness and as well provide for their urgent needs.
Ramy with his family.
Furthermore, we got in contact with Youth for Christ Lebanon (YFC Inc.) who want to dedicate this year 2016 to reconciliation. The IFI Lebanon Team will provide a one-day staff Training for YFC staff to introduce the Forgiveness Program and discuss further cooperation.
A group of Ex-Fighters of the civil war that aim to promote peace and reconciliation through their testimonies on schools and other institutions have invited Ramy to introduce the Forgiveness Educational Program to this group to discuss further cooperation as well.
Another opportunity has opened up with a community center called “Tahadde” that is placed in one of the poorest living areas for Lebanese. We are invited to do the program with their youth- and women groups and plan on doing so in April.
Ramy Darwich Taleb
