News

Forgiveness for Distracted Driver Who Kills Teen

KXAN.COM, Hudsonville, MI, USA – A 40-year-old driver admitted he was eating a sandwich and using a GPS device when his vehicle crashed into the rear of a mini-van on a Michigan interstate highway in August killing a 13-year-old boy in the mini-van. At the driver’s sentencing last week, the boy’s family offered forgiveness.

For causing the crash, Travis Fox was sentenced to 18 months of probation, must serve on a panel to discuss the dangers of distracted driving, and must complete 40 hours of community service in the form of public speaking on distracted driving dangers.

But it was the powerful message of forgiveness that left many in tears following an unexpected move by the 13-year-old’s mother Kristin DeGraaf and father Jason Talsma.

DeGraaf told those in the courtroom that many lives were changed that day, including Fox’s — something that is not lost on her.

“I have forgiven him,” DeGraaf said. “My prayer is that he somehow will forgive himself, too, someday.”

Talsma said he felt the same way.

“Just putting myself into his shoes,” Talsma said of Fox before the two hugged in the courtroom. “Just realizing we are all real hurt over this, and he is as well, I could just feel it.”

Read the full story and watch the news report: Michigan distracted driver who killed boy gets probation, forgiveness.

I don’t want anyone to hurt like I did. . .

Even before she reached her 18th birthday, Darlene J. Harris had been raped twice and survived several other near rapes–secrets she carried around with her for years and years. As a result, she suffered not only emotionally but also physically. Medical problems caused her to undergo several surgeries including a hysterectomy at the age of twenty-eight.

“My boundaries were destroyed and my trust was violated. Out of my fear of being hurt, and not feeling wanted, I clung to fear, anger, and shame,” Darlene says. “These emotions became my constant companions.”

But through her faith, an enlightening counselor, and forgiveness, Darlene turned her world around. Her recovery has led her to a full-time life of providing workshops for women on sexual abuse and molestation. Read her amazing story (an IFI exclusive) in her own words at Your Forgiveness Story. 

Today, Darlene is a sought-after speaker, author of “And He Restoreth My Soul,” and the developer/leader of workshops and retreats for women. She writes primarily on the topics of sexual abuse and molestation. 

To learn more about those topics, visit the website she created and manages: And He Restoreth My Soul. Her compilation book by the same name includes case histories and contributions from physiologists, prevention experts in the field, ministers, and other professional counselors. The book offers the guidance necessary to protect the abused and to counsel the abuser. It is available on Amazon.com. 

Forgiveness: the Keystone of Human Values

Forgiveness can be “one way to reduce conflict and hostility, as well as to promote understanding and respect, to diminish unresolved hurt and pain that burdens many.” ^[1] Forgiveness is a choice, a decision, an act of bravery requiring courage; it is hard work.

That’s how Fr. Brian Cavanaugh characterizes forgiveness after researching and teaching forgiveness for 19 years, reading every piece of forgiveness literature he could get his hands on, and receiving feedback from hundreds of presentations, workshops and retreats.

A member of the Franciscan Friars, Third Order Regular (TOR), Fr. Cavanaugh has now written a scholarly yet intriguing and entertaining treatise on the subject. It was published earlier this year as a 2-part series by Pioneer Magazine, and can be accessed through these links:

“Forgiveness: the Keystone of Human Values”

Pioneer Magazine is published by the (PTAA) which was founded in 1898 in Dublin, Ireland. The Association’s mission is to address the problems in society caused by excess alcohol consumption and drug usage. Its vision is to “help to build a society where people live to their full potential and alcohol can be enjoyed in moderation, avoiding the ills that arise in society from excess in its use.” Pioneer Magazine is a monthly publication now in its 67^th year.

You can access and order any of the nine books Fr. Cavanaugh has written by visiting “Books By Fr. Brian Cavanaugh, TOR.” You can also view and download his amazing collection of photos including hundreds of flowers, sunrises and sunsets, fall foliage, and winter scenes all on his website at “Fr. Brian’s Photo Galleries.” 

^[1] McCullough, Michael E., Kenneth I. Pargament and Carl E. Thoresen, eds. (National Institute of Mental Health). Forgiveness: Theory, Research and Practice. New York:  The Guilford, 2000.

Medical, Psychology and Religious Professionals Learn About “The Healing Art of Forgiveness”

Orthodox Christian professionals in and allied to medicine, psychology and religion learned about “The Healing Art of Forgiveness” at an international conference held in Boston, MA, last weekend (Nov. 5-7).

Peli Galiti, Program Manager, International Forgiveness Institute

Peli Galiti, Ph.D., delivered the forgiveness workshop as part of the Annual Conference of OCAMPR–The Orthodox Christian Association of Medicine, Psychology, and Religion. She shared the stage at the Conference with distinguished speakers including: the Director of the Pediatric Psychiatric Care Program at the Montreal (Canada) Children’s Hospital; a psychotherapy and pastoral care specialist from Kitherona, Greece; and, a psychiatrist who is a priest in the Church of Greece and a Visiting Scholar at Harvard Divinity School.

Peli’s workshop included an Orthodox perspective of forgiveness, a synopsis of Dr. Robert Enright’s scientific research studies, and an overview of the Greek Forgiveness Education Program she established in Athens, Greece, two years ago with Dr. Enright’s guidance and which she now operates as Program Manager for the International Forgiveness Institute.

Peli was born in Athens where she earned her Ph.D. in Educational Psychology from the University of Athens before doing post-graduate work in family therapy at hospitals and medical centers in both the US and Greece. She now lives in Madison, WI, with her husband (a pediatric cardiac anesthesiologist at American Family Children’s Hospital) and their four children.

OCAMPR is an organization that “fosters interdisciplinary dialogue and promotes Christian fellowship among healing professionals in medicine, psychology and religion.” Its professional members have practices in medicine, nursing, mental health, psychology, ethics, theology, parish ministry, parish nursing, prison and community ministry, social services, and military, institutional and community chaplaincy.

Peli provided a similar presentation at the biennial Metropolis of Chicago Clergy-Laity-Philoptochos Assembly, Archon Retreat and Philoptochos Retreat held in Madison from Nov. 14th through Nov. 18th. The Greek Orthodox Metropolis of Chicago consists of thirty-four parishes in Illinois, with another twenty-four parishes in Wisconsin, Minnesota, Iowa, northern Indiana, and eastern and central Missouri.

Forgiveness has power to rebuild society, Pope says

Catholic News Agency/Eternal World Television News, Vatican City, Rome, Italy – Pope Francis spoke on the role of forgiveness in helping families become a force for the betterment of society during his Wednesday, Nov. 4 general audience address in St. Peter’s Square.

“The practice of forgiveness not only preserves families from division,” but allows them to aid society in becoming “less evil and cruel,” the Pope said. He compared the family to a gym in which “reciprocal forgiveness” is exercised and he expressed his desire for families to rediscover the “treasure” of reciprocal forgiveness.

“No love can endure for long,” without forgiveness, he said, reflecting on the “Our Father” prayer which calls us to forgive as we ourselves are forgiven.

“We cannot live without forgiveness – or, at least, we cannot live well, especially in the family.”

Forgiveness should be exercised every day, the Pope continued, saying we must take into account our fragility and pride. He also warned against allowing too much time to pass before forgiving; otherwise, it becomes more difficult.

“Do not allow the day to end without saying ‘I’m sorry,’ without making peace between husband and wife, between parents and children, between brother and sister… between daughter-in-law and mother-in-law!”

In learning to forgive and ask forgiveness, wounds are healed, marriage is strengthened, and the family becomes fortified against our own acts of meanness, both small and great, the Pope said.

“Don’t finish the day at war, understand? Forgive.”

Read more:
– Papal audience: importance of family as place of forgiveness
– Pope speaks on importance of forgiveness within families
– Families must forgive and not ‘end the day in war,’ Pope says
– Forgiveness in family has power to rebuild society, Pope says