Helpful Forgiveness Hint
Helpful Forgiveness Hint
One powerful motivator to forgive is this: Try to assess the amount of pain that your own resentment is causing you. Are you more tired than you need to be? Clinging to resentment might be playing a part here in your fatigue level. Have you been distracted lately? Preoccupation with another’s injustice may be playing a part here. Have you become a more cynical person? Is the glass half-empty for you rather than half-full? Your resentments may be playing a part in your seeing the glass as continually half-empty. Forgiveness can reverse the fatigue, the preoccupations, and the cynicism. Let your awareness of your inner unrest motivate you to begin the forgiveness process.
Dr. Bob
Helpful Forgiveness Hint
When starting to be a forgiver (someone who forgives consistently), try to begin with hurts that are not so large. It is not unlike starting an exercise program. If you try to run 5 miles the first day or to bench press too much weight too soon, you get quite sore, quite discouraged, and may stop exercising. If you start slowly, you build up strength so that you can handle the longer run or the challenging bench press. Start forgiving someone who has not gravely hurt you and work up to those who have.
R.E.
Helpful Forgiveness Hint
R.E.
When you forgive, please realize two things. First, the art of forgiving is for imperfect people and so please do not be hard on yourself if you struggle. The late Lewis Smedes taught me this. Humility can be an antidote to discouragement. Second, because forgiveness is a virtue, please do expect something special from yourself. You can excel in forgiveness and even surprise yourself. Aristotle taught me this.
Helpful Forgiveness Hint
When you have been hurt by another person, try to look far beyond the injustice itself and your current feelings. Try to see long into the future and ask yourself this question: How might my reaction to this situation affect my legacy, what I leave behind when I die? If you stay even mildly annoyed for a long time, you might be leaving behind the disappointment and even anger that you passed to others, even without intending to do so. If you forgive, you might be leaving behind a sense of love in the face of hardship. Which would you rather leave to others?
R.E.
Perseverance and Forgiveness
2002…. That is the year the International Forgiveness Institute began writing forgiveness education curriculum guides for teachers. We started with first grade classrooms in Belfast, Northern Ireland. When we started knocking on principals’ doors to discuss this life-giving project, we were met with skepticism.
“You will not last more than three years,” was what we heard consistently. Three years? Why three in particular?
“Because when people come from foreign lands to help Belfast, those well-meaning people never stay more than three years,” was the retort.
It became apparent that people go to Belfast with high expectations, great enthusiasm, and lots of adrenaline as they embark on their new adventure. Then the reality strikes. By year three the fatigue sets in, the streets of Belfast are all too familiar. It is now work and not adventure. Goodbye, Belfast!
The IFI has had a presence in Belfast for over 10 years now. So far, we have beaten the odds by staying three times longer than expected.
This issue of perseverance and endurance has me thinking. How can one preserve the idea of forgiveness in families, schools, places of worship, and places of employment? That seems easy……for about three years, but what about the next 10 or 20 or even 40 years?
How can forgiveness endure when there are so many diversions in life, so many new and good and novel ways to introduce new curricula to schools or new programs to businesses?
It takes a team and at least one person with an iron-clad will in the short-run. Forgiveness can too easily fade from the scene without this.
How will you preserve forgiveness in your own heart and in your most important relationships? How will you keep it from drifting out to sea, almost unnoticed as it fades? The first step is to realize that this can happen….and then not let it happen.
R.E.
