New Ideas
Forgiveness and the Presidential Election of 2016: 7 Tips
The presidential election results and the tumultuous aftermath have left people scarred and angry. I have heard often that people are afraid of the fallout in their own families: brother against brother, partner against partner. Here are 7 tips to help you bind the wounds and move forward well:
- It is important to realize that when you forgive, you are not throwing justice under the bus. Yes, forgive, but fight the good fight for what is good in the country.
- Each side has an argument against the other side. Yet, my questions are these: What are the intentions of the people at whom you are so angry? Do you think they are saying, “My method is bad and my desired outcome is equally bad”? Even if you disagree with the actions, can you see that the desired end—from the others’ viewpoint—is the quest for the good, even if you think that is misguided?
3. Did you know that many of the people on the other side once were children who suffered hurt in childhood. He ran to his mother when he fell down and bruised his knee. She talked with her father, through her tears, when bullied at school. These are real-life persons with real-life struggles and wounds that started a long time ago, when they were growing up.4. You may not be aware of this, but those on the other side did not have an easy time in adolescence, because, well, few make it through that time period unscathed. Did you know that people on the other side have been wounded by rejection of peers when in adolescence, struggled with romantic attempts that were awkward for them, and fought through the demands of high school?
- Did you know that people on the other side have hopes and dreams? They, like you, are hoping for a little place to live, a well-meaning job, and meaningful relationships. And did you know that none of this is coming easily to many of them? Some are really hurting inside because of this.
- Did you know that each one of the people on your side and on the other side are striving for a little happiness in this troubled world? It is not easy to find that happiness. Sometimes we look in the wrong places, but it is for happiness nonetheless that we seek. Those who have hurt you are seeking happiness and it may not be the way you would have chosen, but that is their quest nonetheless. They are human. They are fallible. They share with you one important thing: a common humanity.
- Can you, each of you on the other side of the divide, commit to doing no harm to the other? I know you are angry, but what now will you do with that anger? Will you pass it along to your children? to you partner? to your co-workers? Or, will you stand with the pain, that eventually will end, for the sake of the humanity of those who have hurt you…..as well as for those who are innocent bystanders who now could be hurt by that anger?
Perhaps it is time to forgive as you seek justice. The two, forgiveness and justice, go well together.
Robert
Finding Meaning in the Pursuit of Truth
Finding meaning in the pursuit of truth is yet another way of finding meaning after or while you suffer. When we are hurt by others who exert power over us, there is a tendency to blur the lines between what is the truth and what is a lie.
Consider the suffering of the psychiatrist Viktor Frankl, who was in concentration camps in Germany and Poland during World War II. When Dr. Frankl was ordered to go on a march to do some slave work, I am sure that the soldiers controlling his behavior were convinced that they were doing the right thing. They likely had convinced themselves that those they had enslaved somehow deserved it. Dr. Frankl resisted their lies and consciously stood in the truth that what he was experiencing was unjust.
One can become stronger by realizing that one’s suffering has sharpened the mind to see what is right and what is wrong, even when others are trying to convince you otherwise.
Robert
Enright, Robert (2015-09-28). 8 Keys to Forgiveness (8 Keys to Mental Health) (p. 120). W. W. Norton & Company. Kindle Edition.
Frankl, Viktor E. (Dec. 1, 1959) Man’s Search for Meaning. Beacon Press.
Comfort or Challenge?
One of the most popular images in all of philosophy is Plato’s cave. He challenges us to go beyond what we know in that cave, to the sunlight, to knowledge that goes beyond the conventional, beyond the ordinary.
I now wonder where modern societies fall when it comes to the question: Should we put more energy and effort into making our cave comfortable, or should we deliberately challenge ourselves, to be open to the unusual, to the risks that can bring suffering as we stretch ourselves to grow?
Forgiveness is one of those developments in life that challenges us. It does so by asking us to strive to understand those who have not understood us. Forgiveness challenges us to suffer as we try to bear the pain of what happened to us so that we do not pass that pain to others. Forgiveness challenges us to understand and to act upon the paradox that as we are good to those who were not good to us, healing can occur within our hearts.
And yet, I wonder. How much of a challenge is modern man willing to endure, given that he can slink back into the man-cave, pop a cold one, and turn on any number of distractions from the pain.
Does modern cave dwelling help us to become better forgivers…….or does it soothe us to the point of not accepting the challenge?
Robert
The Culture of Playing Pretend
While watching a college football game yesterday, I began to focus on the commercials. One showed a confident, strutting person, who seemed to have it “all together,” climb into a car, pet the steering wheel as if some kind of spiritual height had been reached, and the message was delivered to the viewer: If you want to be “all together,” if you want to reach the spiritual heights, you must—-must, with no exceptions—desire this car, covet this car, go into debt to buy this car. This car is your life!
Then there was a video of some kind of bun with melted cheese and bacon on it. The cheese was bubbly, the bacon sizzling and crisp. The video was in slow motion as camera panned ever closer to the heavenly bun. You must—-must—-desire this confection, covet it, go into dietary debt to buy it. This bun is your life!
And we almost insist that the sellers make such commercials before we buy. Go ahead, trick me first and then I will buy. Create the fantasy. I live for fantasy. Fantasy is my life!
And so it goes. I began to wonder. Have we created a world of fantasy, not only in books or films but also in our-everyday-life-as-a-lived-fantasy? Go ahead, trick me. And so, do we do this with regard to the injustices of life now? Do we deny serious wrongdoing as we go about filling our pain with the bun or even, on rare occasion, with the new car? I am not all that hurt…..no, really……pass the buns.
Do we also engage in the opposite of this? Do some create false injustices and play the role of victim to garner sympathy………and power? After all, if in the world of fantasy, I can falsely accuse you of harming me and you falsely believe it, then I am controlling your behavior. I win……at least temporarily in the world of fantasy.
Such fantastic fantasy, I think, keeps us from forgiving. On the one hand, as we deny that we are in pain, then there is no one to forgive. As we deny that others are manipulating us by playing the victim card and controlling our behavior, then there is no injustice to stand against, to correct, to courageously confront with the truth. There is no one to forgive.
Oh well, this is all too strenuous for me anyway. Perhaps I am wrong. If you have the time, would you please pass that bubbling bun?
Robert
Standing Up for Justice
Some have said that forgiveness can make a person weak, reduce the resolve to fight for what is right. Yet, it seems to me that the opposite is true. We become better at discerning what is right and wrong in our world when we forgive because forgiveness occurs precisely in that time in which we have been wronged and now we are injured. The more that we struggle with our injuries from injustice, then the better we understand what injustice is, which can strengthen our insights into justice itself.
As we then understand the serious consequences of injustice, this may strengthen our resolve to fight for justice in a challenging world. After all, as we see the injuries that the self and others can suffer from others’ wrongdoing, then we may be motivated to lessen those injuries by trying to lessen the injustices. We then become fighters for justice.
The mistake is when we think in “either-or” terms: Either we forgive or we seek justice, but we must not do both. This is faulty reasoning. What other virtues must occur strictly in isolation from the other virtues? If I am patient, must I refrain from kindness? If I am courageous, must I throw wisdom out the window? No. The virtues are meant to complement one another: Forgiveness and justice; forgiveness and courage; forgiveness and the wisdom to know when to start forgiving. Together, these virtues help us to avoid extremes such as forgiving and then putting up with nonsense and doing so repeatedly.
Forgive and stand up for justice.
Robert
