Our Forgiveness Blog
Finding Meaning in the Pursuit of Truth
Finding meaning in the pursuit of truth is yet another way of finding meaning after or while you suffer. When we are hurt by others who exert power over us, there is a tendency to blur the lines between what is the truth and what is a lie.
Consider the suffering of the psychiatrist Viktor Frankl, who was in concentration camps in Germany and Poland during World War II. When Dr. Frankl was ordered to go on a march to do some slave work, I am sure that the soldiers controlling his behavior were convinced that they were doing the right thing. They likely had convinced themselves that those they had enslaved somehow deserved it. Dr. Frankl resisted their lies and consciously stood in the truth that what he was experiencing was unjust.
One can become stronger by realizing that one’s suffering has sharpened the mind to see what is right and what is wrong, even when others are trying to convince you otherwise.
Robert
Enright, Robert (2015-09-28). 8 Keys to Forgiveness (8 Keys to Mental Health) (p. 120). W. W. Norton & Company. Kindle Edition.
Frankl, Viktor E. (Dec. 1, 1959) Man’s Search for Meaning. Beacon Press.
Comfort or Challenge?
One of the most popular images in all of philosophy is Plato’s cave. He challenges us to go beyond what we know in that cave, to the sunlight, to knowledge that goes beyond the conventional, beyond the ordinary.
I now wonder where modern societies fall when it comes to the question: Should we put more energy and effort into making our cave comfortable, or should we deliberately challenge ourselves, to be open to the unusual, to the risks that can bring suffering as we stretch ourselves to grow?
Forgiveness is one of those developments in life that challenges us. It does so by asking us to strive to understand those who have not understood us. Forgiveness challenges us to suffer as we try to bear the pain of what happened to us so that we do not pass that pain to others. Forgiveness challenges us to understand and to act upon the paradox that as we are good to those who were not good to us, healing can occur within our hearts.
And yet, I wonder. How much of a challenge is modern man willing to endure, given that he can slink back into the man-cave, pop a cold one, and turn on any number of distractions from the pain.
Does modern cave dwelling help us to become better forgivers…….or does it soothe us to the point of not accepting the challenge?
Robert
What Is Forgiveness Therapy?
Forgiveness therapy is a way for both client and therapist to examine those situations in which the client was or is treated unfairly for the express purpose of helping the person to understand the offender; to learn to slowly let go of anger with this person; and, over time, to make a moral response of goodness toward the offender or offenders. This process may require many months or even years.
Forgiveness therapy does not ignore the client and his or her needs. On the contrary, the paradox is that as the client or patient takes the light of scrutiny off of self and places it in a moral way on the offenders in his or her life, it is the client who is healed. As readers will see, our emphasis on a “moral” response is vital for understanding forgiveness therapy. There is nothing novel about forgiveness therapy if it reduces simply to “moving on” or “adjusting.” There is much that is novel about it when the therapist challenges the client to “have compassion” and “do no harm” regarding a person with whom he or she is angry and frustrated.
Robert
Enright, Robert D.; Fitzgibbons, Richard P. (2014-11-17). Forgiveness Therapy (Kindle Locations 164-171). American Psychological Association (APA). Kindle Edition.
Leaving a Legacy of Love in the World
Think about this: Long after you are gone, your love could be alive and well and living on this earth in the minds, hearts, and beings of others. You can begin to leave a legacy of love by how you live this very day. In all likelihood, you will meet others today. If your heart is filled with love rather than with bitterness, it will be much easier to pass that love to others. Do you see why it is so important to forgive? You are given the joyous opportunity to shed bitterness and put love in its place for the one who hurt you and then more widely to many, many others, as you are freed to love more deeply and more widely. The meaning and purpose of your life are intimately tied to this decision to leave a legacy of love.
Enright, Robert (2015-09-28). 8 Keys to Forgiveness (8 Keys to Mental Health) (p. 225). W. W. Norton & Company. Kindle Edition.
The Culture of Playing Pretend
While watching a college football game yesterday, I began to focus on the commercials. One showed a confident, strutting person, who seemed to have it “all together,” climb into a car, pet the steering wheel as if some kind of spiritual height had been reached, and the message was delivered to the viewer: If you want to be “all together,” if you want to reach the spiritual heights, you must—-must, with no exceptions—desire this car, covet this car, go into debt to buy this car. This car is your life!
Then there was a video of some kind of bun with melted cheese and bacon on it. The cheese was bubbly, the bacon sizzling and crisp. The video was in slow motion as camera panned ever closer to the heavenly bun. You must—-must—-desire this confection, covet it, go into dietary debt to buy it. This bun is your life!
And we almost insist that the sellers make such commercials before we buy. Go ahead, trick me first and then I will buy. Create the fantasy. I live for fantasy. Fantasy is my life!
And so it goes. I began to wonder. Have we created a world of fantasy, not only in books or films but also in our-everyday-life-as-a-lived-fantasy? Go ahead, trick me. And so, do we do this with regard to the injustices of life now? Do we deny serious wrongdoing as we go about filling our pain with the bun or even, on rare occasion, with the new car? I am not all that hurt…..no, really……pass the buns.
Do we also engage in the opposite of this? Do some create false injustices and play the role of victim to garner sympathy………and power? After all, if in the world of fantasy, I can falsely accuse you of harming me and you falsely believe it, then I am controlling your behavior. I win……at least temporarily in the world of fantasy.
Such fantastic fantasy, I think, keeps us from forgiving. On the one hand, as we deny that we are in pain, then there is no one to forgive. As we deny that others are manipulating us by playing the victim card and controlling our behavior, then there is no injustice to stand against, to correct, to courageously confront with the truth. There is no one to forgive.
Oh well, this is all too strenuous for me anyway. Perhaps I am wrong. If you have the time, would you please pass that bubbling bun?
Robert
