Our Forgiveness Blog

Forgiveness in the Workplace

Almost two million people per year in the United States report that they are victims of violence in the workplace. Most of these incidents are unreported, which means that the victims are coming to work each day with an inner world that may be disrupted and resentful while the worker goes about his or her routine tasks.

The United States Department of Labor suggests that to reduce violence, no-tolerance policies along with encouragement to report incidents and prevention programs may be best. Yet, of what should the prevention programs consist?

Workplaceviolence.com recommends a series of steps such as a no-harassment policy, followed by reporting to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, followed by a lawsuit if such violence persists. Others have similar views: be vigilant in spotting potential behavioral trouble, report incidents, and offer help to those prone to violence.

Stopping behavior, however, is only one approach and not our favored one because the focus is on stopping symptoms rather than getting at the root cause of workplace aggression. So, what might be a root cause of workplace aggression? Of course, human psychology is too complex to definitively pinpoint one, exact cause for all. Yet, there are some themes worthy of reflection. The website Compassion Power suggests that low self-esteem, anxiety, and excessive anger are part of the explanation.

If you notice, all of these features (self-esteem, anxiety, and excessive anger) are part of a person’s inner world. In all likelihood, those who are internally disrupted are the ones who let all of this unrest out onto others, abusing them. Those who lack emotional integrity are usually the ones who hurt others.

Forgiveness is one proven scientific approach to healing internal disruption. Forgiveness can bolster self-esteem and be a protection against high anxiety. Forgiveness can reduce toxic anger.

For those looking for resources, we recommend Chapter 15 of the book, The Forgiving Life. For those of you looking for a more academic approach,  we recommend our on-line course based on the book, Helping Clients Forgive.

Forgiveness is one important way of quelling disruptive behavior in the workplace, by quieting the rage within. Co-workers’ productivity and cooperation are likely to improve when abuse is reduced.

Dr. Bob

Helpful Forgiveness Hint

One powerful motivator to forgive is this: Try to assess the amount of pain that your own resentment is causing you. Are you more tired than you need to be? Clinging to resentment might be playing a part here in your fatigue level. Have you been distracted lately? Preoccupation with another’s injustice may be playing a part here. Have you become a more cynical person? Is the glass half-empty for you rather than half-full? Your resentments may be playing a part in your seeing the glass as continually half-empty. Forgiveness can reverse the fatigue, the preoccupations, and the cynicism. Let your awareness of your inner unrest motivate you to begin the forgiveness process.

Dr. Bob

Unwanted Forgiveness

Have you ever forgiven someone who punctuated your gift with, “OK…..What for?”

It can be unsettling and more than a little annoying. So, if the other person does not want your forgiveness, for whatever reason, is it better to withhold it rather than give it?

Perhaps the answer lies in how one gives forgiveness rather than in the questioning of whether or not to offer it. After all, forgiveness is a virtue, a gift of goodness to another who has been unfair. Even if he perceives that the actions were justified, and therefore forgiveness is unnecessary, your forgiving is a gift.

You can offer forgiveness without telling the other, but instead by showing it. The other is not likely to reject kindness, but even if she did, kindness is always good.

Unwanted forgiveness? Sometimes people do not know what is good for them, so we give it in ways that are more acceptable to them. Forgiveness as an act of virtue is always good.

Dr. Bob

Future-Forgiveness

I just came up with this idea of “future-forgiveness” this week, after almost three decades of thinking daily about forgiveness. I think it is an important idea.

By “future-forgiveness” I mean an attitude you cultivate in moving into the future. As you forgive people for past injustices, forgiveness comes to be a part of you. You begin to see that you can love those who are cruel to you, and if you can do that, then you can love those who are interacting pretty well with you. Then you come to realize that this is how you can live your life—loving others as a way of life—no matter what life throws at you.

“Future-forgiveness”—committing to going into your future with love for others no matter how they treat you—is a joyous way to live.

Dr. Bob

A Person Is a Person No Matter How Wounded

As you meet people today, please look at each one and say to yourself, “This particular person is probably wounded in some way. He (she) is not showing the wounds, but is trying to get through the day with these wounds…and they probably hurt.”

And then add this: “A person is a person, no matter how wounded.”

And one more thing, please be sure to say this silently about yourself.

Enjoy seeing the personhood in all.

Dr. Bob