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Is it harder to forgive if a person is filled with anger compared with another person who is filled with pain and sorrow after being treated unfairly?
It seems to me that if the anger is very intense and includes resentment or even hatred, then, yes, it is harder to forgive. Some people who are fuming with anger cannot even use the word “forgiveness” because it intensifies the anger. At the same time, if a person has deep sorrow, sometimes there is an accompanying lack of energy and the person needs some time to mourn first. At such times, the person needs to be gentle with the self as emotional healing takes place.
What strategies, suggestions do you have for a parent trying to help her teen work through feelings of shame and fear of disappointing loved ones in order for the teen to forgive himself?
Self-forgiveness can be more difficult than forgiving other people because we tend to be harder on ourselves than on others. So, I would recommend that you first approach your son with the idea of forgiving someone who has hurt him. Let him get used to the idea of offering goodness toward at least one other person. Then try it again with yet another person. Once he sees that he can offer goodness toward others who have hurt him, then ask him to consider offering this same goodness to himself: unconditionally and compassionately. If he sees the need then to seek forgiveness from those he has disappointed, he could do that.
Forgiveness for Distracted Driver Who Kills Teen
KXAN.COM, Hudsonville, MI, USA – A 40-year-old driver admitted he was eating a sandwich and using a GPS device when his vehicle crashed into the rear of a mini-van on a Michigan interstate highway in August killing a 13-year-old boy in the mini-van. At the driver’s sentencing last week, the boy’s family offered forgiveness.
For causing the crash, Travis Fox was sentenced to 18 months of probation, must serve on a panel to discuss the dangers of distracted driving, and must complete 40 hours of community service in the form of public speaking on distracted driving dangers.
But it was the powerful message of forgiveness that left many in tears following an unexpected move by the 13-year-old’s mother Kristin DeGraaf and father Jason Talsma.
DeGraaf told those in the courtroom that many lives were changed that day, including Fox’s — something that is not lost on her.
“I have forgiven him,” DeGraaf said. “My prayer is that he somehow will forgive himself, too, someday.”
Talsma said he felt the same way.
“Just putting myself into his shoes,” Talsma said of Fox before the two hugged in the courtroom. “Just realizing we are all real hurt over this, and he is as well, I could just feel it.”
Read the full story and watch the news report: Michigan distracted driver who killed boy gets probation, forgiveness.
Whenever I try to reconcile with my partner, I am reminded of the mean things that he did. It kind of sets back the reconciliation process. What do you recommend?
This is not uncommon. When the old feelings emerge as you try to reconcile, I recommend that you once again start the forgiveness process with this person and with a focus on the particular hurtful event. The more you go back to forgiving, the deeper the forgiveness tends to develop in you.
Forgiveness Therapy Can Work Better Than a Pill!
“Forgiveness therapy should be part of palliative care and it can work more powerfully than a pill,” Dr. Robert Enright told attendees at the Fifth Annual Healthy Aging Conference held in Madison on Sept. 9.
Dr. Enright, who pioneered the social scientific study of forgiveness beginning more than 30 years ago, has found that forgiveness increases happiness and a sense of well-being and may produce physical benefits by diminishing tensions, anger, resentment, and hurt.
“Forgiveness is surgery for a broken heart. You have the opportunity to do surgery and rehabilitation of the heart,” according to Dr. Enright. “Forgiveness offers understanding, patience, kindness, and even love to another person.”
Dr. Enright emphasized to Conference attendees that forgiveness is especially important for people to practice as they age. He said that is not only important for the health of an aging person but that older
persons also help establish their family as a “forgiving community” and teach their children and grandchildren about forgiveness.
The Forgiveness Program developed and espoused by Dr. Enright is outlined on the website of the organization he co-founded, the International Forgiveness Institute. It is detailed in several of the books he has written including:
Forgiveness Is a Choice: A Step-by-Step Process for Resolving Anger and Restoring Hope – This is a self-help book for people who have been deeply hurt by another and are caught in a vortex of anger, depression, and resentment.
The Forgiving Life: A Pathway to Overcoming Resentment and Creating a Legacy of Love – This book describes a process, followed with success by people around the world, to confront the pain; rise above it to forgive; and in so doing, loosen the grip of the depression, anger, and resentment.
8 Keys to Forgiveness – Dr. Enright’s newest book, just released this month, is a hands-on guide that walks readers through the forgiveness process in just 8 key steps.
Forgiveness Therapy: An Empirical Guide for Resolving Anger and Restoring Hope – Recently published by the American Psychological Association (APA), this manual is for Licensed Psychiatrists and Psychologists as well as other professional counselors.
The 5th Annual Healthy Aging Conference was hosted by Catholic Charities of Madison, WI – a private 501(c)(3) non-profit agency affiliated with Catholic Charities USA, the nation’s largest private network of people helping people.
Read more in the official newspaper of the Diocese of Madison, The Catholic Herald: “Catholic Charities conference focuses on healthy aging.”
