Tagged: “Anger”
How can we inspire someone to be forgiving, but not then feel like a perpetual victim?
Hearing about what forgiveness is and is not can motivate people to forgive. Simply trying forgiveness can be highly motivating because it puts love in the heart when done well. Also when forgiving is done well, the forgiver engages in the moral virtue of humility, which should help the forgiver to avoid a continual sense of victimhood with a “you owe me one” attitude.
I know that forgiving is important in both Judaism and Christianity. Is forgiveness mentioned in other faiths or worldviews such as Islam or Buddhism?
There is a book in the Koran called Joseph, which is based on the story of Joseph forgiving his half-brothers in Genesis within the Hebrew scriptures. Islam, Judaism, Christianity, Buddhism, and Hinduism have favorable views of forgiving. My book, Forgiveness Therapy, discusses these different viewpoints. The different world religions do not talk negatively about forgiveness. Buddhism does not have a word for forgiveness, but some of the stories in Buddhism show forgiveness. Again, I discuss this in the book, Forgiveness Therapy.
I forgave my partner for an offense. I forgave. He did it again. Do I go through the forgiveness process again or go in another route?
I find that people find it harder to forgive a person when the offense keeps occurring. Yet, continuing once again on the forgiveness path may make you more open to a genuine dialogue with your partner about changing his behavior and reconciling. It is hard to enter into respectful and patient dialogue when the offended person is fuming with anger.
Is it harder to forgive if a person is filled with anger compared with another person who is filled with pain and sorrow after being treated unfairly?
It seems to me that if the anger is very intense and includes resentment or even hatred, then, yes, it is harder to forgive. Some people who are fuming with anger cannot even use the word “forgiveness” because it intensifies the anger. At the same time, if a person has deep sorrow, sometimes there is an accompanying lack of energy and the person needs some time to mourn first. At such times, the person needs to be gentle with the self as emotional healing takes place.
It seems to me that anger is not always a bad thing. Can’t people be energized by their anger, focus, and attain fairness?
Yes, anger can be part of the motivation for achieving good. Yet, we have to make a distinction between anger within reasonable bounds (the emotion does not disable us, is not extreme) and anger that turns to resentment (a long-lasting and intensive anger that can lead to fatigue, distraction, and even physical complications). If we do not make this distinction, we could slip into resentment and conclude that it is good rather than dangerous in the long-term.
