Tagged: “Anger”
How can I get rid of my anger if I do not confront the person at whom I am very angry?
It seems that you might be trying to seek justice or maybe even a bit of payback from the person. I have found that the quest for justice does not always end this kind of anger. In fact, the quest for justice sometimes can increase the anger if the justice is not realized. A more sure way of reducing your anger is to try to forgive, but only if you are ready to do so. You can forgive without the other person being present by engaging in the exercises of what we call the personal, global, and cosmic perspectives. The gist of these exercises is to see the other in a much broader context than the hurts against you. Try to see the wounds in the other; try to see the common humanity that both of you share. Such perspectives do take time and so please be gentle with yourself during this time.
For additional information, see The Personal, Global, and Cosmic Perspectives.
I don’t want to forgive a certain person because I am so fuming at what she did. I simply refuse to think about this person. Out of sight in this case means out of mind. I think I will be fine, but I am checking in with you for your opinion.
It is important to realize that when you are “so fuming” it is not necessarily easy to be rid of that anger. The idea of out of sight and out of mind is not so easily achieved because the emotion of anger is not always controlled by the mind. The anger, in other words, can resurface. If you find this happening to you, then you might consider forgiving.
For additional information, see Why Forgive?
I am innocent of all charges against me! My friend thinks I was insensitive. I disagree. Should I apologize even if I think I was not offensive?
You do not have to offer a specific apology such as, “I am sorry that I did X.” Instead, you might want to say something like this, “I am sorry that what I said made you angry.” Saying this with sincerity might help. As you can see, you are not saying that you did something offensive. You are saying that you are feeling badly that your friend was hurt.
For additional information, see Why Forgive?
My friend and I got into an argument. We both exchanged words and we are not talking. What should I do now: wait, tell her that I forgive her, or apologize?
If the initial anger has quieted, then I recommend the humble approach by gently offering an apology. Often, a sincere offer of apology helps the other to forgive. From a philosophical perspective, one can forgive unconditionally without an apology, but the apology does help.
For additional information, see Learning to Forgive Others.
I am somewhat convinced that if a particular person leaves my life, then he will not be hurting my family or me any more. Am I correct in thinking this way, or should I forgive anyway?
Forgiveness need not be reserved only for the times in which you feel deep resentment which might be making you miserable. At times, you might want to forgive simply because forgiveness is centered in goodness because it is a moral virtue. In this latter case, you are forgiving because forgiveness is an end in and of itself. Regarding this issue of deep resentment, it can stay with us even when people physically move away from us. They still remain in the heart and the heart can be restless until the offended person forgives. So, even if the one who hurt you leaves, you can forgive because: a) forgiveness is good in and of itself and b) you might still be resentful and want to be free of that.
For additional information, see Do I Have to Reconcile with the Other When I Forgive?
