Tagged: “Anger”
Could it be that forgiveness does not “work” for some people because they do not experience any relief? I am kind of feeling this way toward my boss. He is too abrupt with me.
When this occurs, I suggest: 1) allowing the person more time to forgive; if that doesn’t work, 2) attempting to see whether the one who acted unjustly reminds you of someone else who needs your forgiveness. For instance, is it possible that your struggle to forgive your boss is related to your unforgiveness of someone else? For example, is it possible that you have issues with forgiveness towards your father? If so, then I advise you to first forgive your father. Your resentment toward your father then does not interfere with your ability to forgive the boss when you turn your attention to it. This is just an example, as I am unsure if you have any issues with your father that require your forgiveness.
July 17 Marks a Day of Forgiveness in the Face of Cruel Execution Over 230 Years Ago
Photo by Studio Saiz, Pexels.com
On July 17, 1794, and as part of the French Revolution, 16 Carmelite nuns were martyred at the guillotine in Paris. As she was facing death, one of the sisters, Sister Mary of Jesus Crucified, proclaimed, “I forgive you, my friends. I forgive you with all that longing of heart with which I would that God forgive me!” All of the sisters now are known as the Martyrs of Compiègne. Pope St. Pius X beatified all of these heroic sisters on May 27, 1906.
You emphasize getting to know the person in a broader sense, who is the offender. Yet, what if the other is unknown to me? How am I supposed to widen my view of this stranger?
We tend to emphasize three cognitive approaches in the forgiveness process. The first is the Personal Perspective, in which the forgiver examines the personal history of the offending person, examining incidents in which this person has been hurt by others. If you do not know the one who offended, then you cannot answer the questions in the Personal Perspective. Yet, we also have what we call the Global Perspective in which the forgiver sees the shared inherent worth of both the offending person and the self. After all, each is a person and all persons are unique, which makes each special and irreplaceable. A third perspective, for those who have transcendent beliefs, is the Cosmic Perspective. For example, a Jewish or Christian person can understand that all people are made in the image and likeness of God, as stated in Genesis 1 of the Bible. So, even though you do not know the one who hurt you, both the Global and Cosmic Perspectives are available for you to do the cognitive work of forgiveness.
If people give it enough time, will they naturally forgive, or do you think there has to be an active process to forgive?
If the injustice is serious and the hurt is deep, time alone will likely not cure the resentment. I say this based on our research. For example, in the study with elderly females in hospice, some of them were carrying resentment for decades. Once they engaged in the process of forgiveness, they were able to forgive and increase in hope. Here is the reference to that publication:
Hansen, M.J., Enright. R.D., Baskin, T.W., & Klatt, J. (2009). A palliative care intervention in forgiveness therapy for elderly terminally-ill cancer patients. Journal of Palliative Care, 25, 51-60.
Dr. Enright’s essay on how forgiveness can be tricky featured on Psychology Today website
Dr. Robert Enright
On July 22, 2025, Robert Enright published an essay on the Psychology Today website:
5 Expressions of Forgiveness That Can Trick Even the Forgiver, July 22, 2025
The essay was designated as an Essential Read and featured on the front page of the website, subsequently distributed to other media outlets.
