Tagged: “break free from the past”
If someone has frustrated and offended me and I choose silence because I am afraid to choose dialogue and confront him, is this actually forgiveness on my part? Is it true forgiveness?
First, do you commit to doing no harm to the other? If yes, this is the beginning of forgiving. Do you see the inherent worth in the other, not because of what was done, but in spite of that? This, too, is part of forgiving. Do you wish the other well? This is part of forgiving as the late Lewis Smedes reminded us in his book, Forgive and Forget. The silence itself is not necessarily forgiving. Why? I can be silent with hatred in my heart. To forgive is to have a change of heart toward the offending person (as the philosopher Joanna North said in the book, Exploring Forgiveness, 1998).
Does forgiveness come from within us? Is it innate or just a learned characteristic? I wonder what Christianity has to say about this?
I doubt that we are born with forgiveness in our heart because of the Christian idea of original sin. According to Aristotle, we have the **capacity** or the **potential** to develop in the moral virtues, but it takes effort to grow in these virtues. Christianity, I think, would agree with this idea of potential because, according to the Hebrew scriptures, we are all made in the image and likeness of God.
How can I bring forgiveness resources to schools?
We have developed Forgiveness Education Curriculum Guides for teachers and parents. These guides run from pre-kindergarten (age 4) through the end of high school (age 18). All of these guides are described here on our International Forgiveness Institute website, in the Store section. You can read some of our scientifically-tested school programs here as well by going to the Forgiveness Education section. At the dropdown menu, select Research. That will bring you to a page with some of our Forgiveness Therapy research (presented first) and our Forgiveness Education research. I am here to help if you want to approach schools on this vital issue of forgiveness education.
Can one truly forgive if the other person does not repent of the wrongdoing?
Because forgiveness is a moral virtue, it can be practiced whenever the injured person decides to do so. It is similar to all of the other moral virtues. For example, consider the virtue of patience. Must you not be patient until someone does something of which you approve? Of course, the answer is “no” because you can be patient with others whenever you wish. It is the same with forgiving. You can choose to forgive whenever you so choose. Otherwise, you are trapped in unforgiveness, with possible considerable resentment, until another person utters certain words.
How can forgiveness fit into contemporary society, such as schooling?
Parents can use teachable moments when watching films or reading stories. We have forgiveness education in schools in over 30 countries. Books on forgiveness, magazine articles, newspaper articles on forgiveness can engender a curiosity about what forgiveness is and is not. A key issue is to begin conversations deliberately focused on the moral virtue of forgiveness. I have observed that such deliberate conversations are rare. It is my hope that they become more common in families, schools, workplaces, and other areas of communities.
