Tagged: “Dr. Robert Enright”

How can we get parents interested in teaching their children about forgiveness?

Parents first need to understand that deep-seated resentment can build up in children’s hearts when they are treated unfairly.  They need a way of curing that resentment and forgiveness is one vital way to do that.  We need to get the word out to parents that forgiveness is a protection of the child’s heart that can be appropriated for the rest of that child’s life, even into adulthood when the storms of life can get more severe.

How do I correct a child who equates forgiving with revenge?  The thought in this child, age 6, is that if he can get back at the other person, then they can move on together.

A key issue is to begin talking with the child about how all people are special, unique, and irreplaceable.  All people have built-in worth.  As Horton the elephant says in the Dr. Seuss classic, Horton Hears a Who, “A person’s a person no matter how small.”  Try to get the child to see this and to see that the proper response to other people is kindness.  Getting back at someone who behaved badly is not kindness and so this cannot possibly be forgiveness.  It is important also to bring in the issue of justice.  If a child is being bullied by another, for example, the one who might forgive needs to seek justice by telling an adult about the unfair situation.

Has forgiveness education in schools been studied scientifically and found to be useful?

Yes, there is evidence.  I actually answered this in another question posed to me here on October 29, 2022.  Here is that answer:

Yes, there now are scientifically-based forgiveness programs, many of which focus on stories and story characters who experience conflict and learn to resolve those conflicts.  The research shows that children and adolescents, when given a sufficient amount of time (12 or more weeks) to think about forgiveness, actually forgive to a deeper level than before they had these programs.  Here is a reference to a journal article showing this to be the case: Rapp, H., Wang Xu, J., & Enright, R.D. (2022). A meta-analysis of forgiveness education interventions’ effects on forgiveness and anger in children and adolescents. Child Development.

I am trying to find your journal article in which you worked on forgiveness therapy with men in a correctional institution.  I cannot find that article.  Would you please provide that reference?

Yes, here is that reference:

Yu, L., Gambaro, M., Song, J., Teslik, M., Song, M., Komoski, M.C., Wollner, B., & Enright, R.D. (2021). Forgiveness therapy in a maximum-security correctional institution: A randomized clinical trial. Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy. https://doi.org/10.1002/cpp.2583

The person I am forgiving thinks that upon my forgiveness, our relationship can proceed as if the injustices never happened.  How do I get him to realize this is not correct?

He has to see the difference between forgiving and reconciling.   He might see your forgiving as giving in to his unacceptable behavior, which forgiving is not.  This distinction between forgiving and reconciling may help him to see that he has work to do if the relationship will improve.