Tagged: “Dr. Robert Enright”

College Students, Forgiveness, and Well-Being

November 27, 2025 No comments

Photo by Cristian Loayza, Pexels.com

In a study of 463 Spanish university students done in 2025, the researchers reported positive correlations among forgiveness, hope, and self-esteem.  They reported negative correlations among forgiveness and anger, anxiety, and depression.  The authors suggest that preparing the students for a healthy entry into the workplace as adults could be enhanced if universities had forgiveness programs for the students.

The reference to the article is this:

Bonete S, Molinero C, Sendra S and González De Abreu AM (2025) A path to better mental health among emerging adults: forgiveness as a solution to interpersonal conflicts. Frontiers in  Psychology, 16:1477283. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2025.1477283

 

 

 

My brother is an angry person.  I say that because I have been able to observe him over the years.  The frustrating thing is that he suppresses his anger and claims that he is not angry.  This leads him, whenever he is treated badly by others, to proclaim that he has no anger and therefore no need to forgive.  He then lives with subconscious resentment, and he does not allow himself to be set free through forgiveness.  What do you recommend?

November 27, 2025 No comments

The psychological defense of suppression can be difficult to overcome because it  tends to hide the actual internal challenges a person faces.  Yet, if your brother truly has been mistreated by others and is suppressing his anger, it is not that he has no anger.  Instead, he is angry but not acknowledging it.  Often, people suppress anger because they fear it.  They fear that there is no cure for the anger.  I suggest you have some gentle, clear conversations with your brother about forgiveness in general, not focused on him.  State the scientific evidence that forgiveness can reduce unhealthy anger if given sufficient time to forgive, with a clear understanding of what forgiveness is.  This could lead your brother not to fear the anger and eventually to let down the defense of suppression.  A key issue then is to help your brother understand deeply what forgiveness is and is not (he won’t be excusing the other’s behavior) and to provide an empirically supported pathway to forgiveness.

I am interested in your answer to a question I have about “people-pleasers.”  Do you think that “people-pleasers” forgive more readily and more deeply than the rest of humanity?  I say this because of their high motivation as “people-pleasers” to make others happy.

November 27, 2025 No comments

The answer depends on the motivation inside of anyone who might be considered a “people-pleaser.”  If the motivation is an appearance of mercy and generosity without really having such motivations inside, then the answer is no, they are not genuinely forgiving more readily or more deeply.  Only if the superficial attributes of “people-pleasing” are gone and a true motivation to help the other is present will forgiveness be accurate.  So, if by “people-pleasing” you mean a superficial or even an artificial appearance of forgiveness, then the answer is no, they likely are not forgiving more deeply than other people.

I will be going on vacation for two weeks and will be reading a self-help book on forgiveness.  Do you think that two weeks is a sufficient amount of time to forgive one of my parents for abandoning the family when I was seven years old?  I am now 26 years old.

November 27, 2025 No comments

Two weeks likely is not a sufficient amount of time to deeply forgive your parent for this.  Think of two weeks as a beginning, and this is honorable and important.  In other words, you have courageously chosen to walk the path of forgiveness.  Be patient with yourself now as you forgive.  It may take months to truly reduce any anger or sadness you have and to wish your parent well.  Perseverance in the forgiveness process is one key to keep in mind.