Tagged: “Dr. Robert Enright”

I learned from a friend that self-forgiveness is a means of justifying negative behavior so that it can continue. Is she right?

Some believe that self-forgiveness is improper because it is impossible to evaluate one’s own conduct objectively—that is, we are too prejudiced and self-interested to make the right decisions.  We do, however, have a conscience that helps us, even though we are unable to observe our own deeds with perfect clarity.  As a result, we can judge if our words and deeds are right or wrong.  Accurate self-forgiveness allows us to acknowledge our offenses toward ourselves and others and take the necessary steps to make amends.  To put it another way, self-forgiveness is more than just loving oneself.  It also involves making amends for the harm the self-forgiver did to other people.  Therefore, when self-forgiveness is correctly understood and applied, it is not a ruse to continue engaging in conduct that our conscience tells us is wrong.

Please follow and like us:

Can my forgiving my ex give me confidence in entering into a new romantic relationship?  If so, how is it that forgiving my ex can give me confidence with someone else?

Yes, I do think that your forgiving your ex can give you confidence with another person in a new  romantic relationship for this reason: You now know the pathway out of resentment.  In other words, even if the new person acts unjustly, you can forgive and be free from the burden of excessive anger.

Please follow and like us:

An old-time comedian, Flip Wilson, used to quip, “The devil made me do it.”  If this is true, then if I behave badly and “the devil made me do it,” there is no need for others to forgive me because I was not the one who made the injustice happen, right?

Well, I disagree.  We have to remember that Flip Wilson was a comedian.  He was being funny in this quip.  Because of your free will, being tempted to unjust behavior by others does not make the tempter the one who is exclusively culpable in the unjust act.  As you give into temptation, your free will created an intention to act, and then a free will decision to act upon the intention.  You, then, are guilty of wrongdoing and can and should seek forgiveness.

Please follow and like us:

I have a follow-up question to my inquiry about forgiving God.  If it is impossible for God to act unjustly, then God is not all perfect, right?  If He cannot perform a given action, even if it is unjust, then God cannot do all things.

You need to realize that God, as you understand Him as you practice your Presbyterian faith, has a certain nature.  That nature includes complete holiness and perfection.  The fact that God does not go against this nature does not make Him imperfect.  It makes Him consistent with His nature, with who God actually is.

Please follow and like us: