Tagged: “emotional pain”
For the effects of unjust treatment against a person, you talk frequently of anger. Yet, I think I am more in pain than angry. What would you say about that?
I agree with you that pain occurs after being treated unjustly. I think the sequence is as follows: 1) Someone is unfair to you; 2) Next comes shock or even denial; 3) Then comes pain, as you describe; 4) If the pain does not lessen or if you have no effective way of reducing and eliminating the pain, then you may become angry.
That anger can be at the person for acting unfairly, or at the situation, or even at the pain itself that resulted from the unfair treatment. It is the anger, if it abides and deepens, that can lead to health problems (fatigue, anxiety, and so forth). So, I emphasize anger within Forgiveness Therapy because it, in the form of excessive anger or resentment, can be dangerous to health, relationships, and communities.
Can you suggest at least one very effective way to motivate a person to start the forgiveness process?
I find that a person’s internal, emotional pain is a strong motivator to at lease consider forgiveness as a healing strategy. If the person has tried many different approaches, and none of them has led to significant relief, then a person often is ready to give forgiveness a try.
When we visit the doctor’s office, oftentimes there is a chart on a 1-to-10 scale that assesses one’s level of physical pain. A 1 shows a smiling face and a 10 shows a tormented, crying face. Nurses and doctors know that we can judge our level of physical pain by this 10-point scale. I recommend the same scale for your emotional pain index. Let a 1 stand for no-emotional-pain-at-all and a 10 for excruciating emotional pain. Try to keep a log of how you are doing. As the emotional pain, over time, reduces, this can be motivation for your continuing with the forgiveness process. Even if your pain intensifies at times, that is part of the healing process. Try to see the overall trend.
For additional information, see The Four Phases of Forgiveness.