Tagged: “Enright Forgiveness Process Model”
Try to commit, as you read this, to do no harm to the other. This includes talking with bitterness about the other, deliberately ignoring, or thinking about taking revenge.
We have developed Forgiveness Education Curriculum Guides for teachers and parents. These guides run from pre-kindergarten (age 4) through the end of high school (age 18). All of these guides are described here on our International Forgiveness Institute website, in the Store section. You can read some of our scientifically-tested school programs here as well by going to the Forgiveness Education section. At the dropdown menu, select Research. That will bring you to a page with some of our Forgiveness Therapy research (presented first) and our Forgiveness Education research. I am here to help if you want to approach schools on this vital issue of forgiveness education.
It seems to me that for forgiveness to succeed, it is necessary for low self-esteem and toxic anger to disappear. What do you think?
For forgiveness to significantly raise a person’s self-esteem and to lower toxic anger, the person needs to commit, with a strong will, to the practice of forgiveness. This takes, as Aristotle says, practice, practice, and more practice. Our Process Model of Forgiveness is an empirically-verified way of helping people to reduce in negative emotions. Yet, when we forgive, we do not necessarily leave all negative psychological issues behind. For example, we still may have some residual anger, but that anger now no longer controls us. Instead, we are in control of the anger.
Is it possible that the expression of forgiving can cause the person who originally acted unjustly to feel annoyed? If this happens, does this make the act of forgiving wrong?
If the one who acted unjustly is annoyed at the genuine expression of forgiveness by the offended person, this is not the fault of the forgiver. Why? It is because the forgiver is giving something good, love, to the other. Rejection of that love does not make love bad. As an analogy, if a parent gives a birthday present out of love to a child and the child does not like the present and yells, is this the fault of the parent or of the act of gift giving?
My adult grandson keeps asking me for a loan of money. I give it, he does not pay it back, and then he says that he “forgives” himself for the lack of payment. He then asks me for more money. Is self-forgiveness really this kind of illusion?
While genuine self-forgiveness can be helpful when people break their own moral standard, in the case of false self-forgiveness, the person may “self-forgive” as an excuse to remain in inappropriate and hurtful behavior. In such a case as your adult grandson, the false forgiveness might reduce guilt, freeing the person to continue the lack of payment with the resultant wasting of your funds. I think it is time for a heart-to-heart talk with him. He is fooling himself (but he is not fooling you) regarding what self-forgiveness actually is. In genuine self-forgiveness, there is an inner remorse, a genuine repentance to you, and reparation, in this case repaying the debt.