Tagged: “forgive”
Here is my sixth follow-up question: You make a good point about whether the religious system demands or encourages the withholding of forgiving before the other repents. I looked into this and it seems that it is an encouragement. Is that all right, do you think?
I am not in a position to pass judgement on the religious system, especially given that I do not know the history of it or the nuances behind this encouragement. So, for now, it is best if I do not offer an opinion because it would be given out of my own ignorance of the system.
Here is my fifth follow-up question: I know some people, whose religious beliefs encourage the withholding of forgiving until the other repents. Again, this is for the good of the one who acted unjustly. Does this mean that the religious system is wrong?
No, it does not imply that the religious system is wrong primarily because of the good intentions of this request. It is not clear to me whether this religious system demands the withholding of the forgiving until the other repents or whether the system encourages it for the good of all involved. Which is it?
Here is my fourth follow-up question: I think you just confirmed my original issue. Isn’t this focus on one’s own resentment selfish? After all, it is about oneself and not about the other person.
There is a large difference between selfishness and self-care. If a person has an injured jaw from being hit by another person, is it selfish to go for medical help for the jaw? No. This is self-care. A person who engages in the self-care for healing from resentment actually helps other people, too, because then the anger is not displaced onto others, including innocent others who were not the ones who behaved unjustly.
Here is my third follow-up question: I have given you one major advantage for withholding my forgiving (It may help the offending person to realize his wrongdoing). Can you give me one good reason for unconditional forgiving, without the other’s apology?
Yes, here is one good reason: If you have deep resentment over what happened, you can start to release that resentment by forgiving. If you don’t forgive, or feel as though you should not forgive, then you may be trapped with this deep anger (resentment) that could last for the rest of your life. Forgiving releases you from this emotional prison.
Here is my second follow-up question: Yet, doesn’t my withholding of forgiveness make it more likely that he will repent and change?
Your waiting for his apology will not necessarily lead to his repentance. For example, some people think they did nothing wrong and that you are overreacting. In other words, they are in denial. When this is the case, then withholding your forgiveness will not matter to the person.
