Tagged: “Forgiveness Education”

A colleague said to me that it is child abuse to impose the education of forgiveness on unsuspecting students. How would you answer such a charge?

Good philosophy is the pursuit of wisdom. Good education is the same. Part of being wise is to know how to control one’s anger, to reduce resentment, and to forge healthy relationships in the home and in the community. Forgiveness, seen in scientific studies, is one effective way of reducing resentment and fostering better behavior and relationships. If we then deprive a child of this part of wisdom, are we somehow aiding that child’s development or stifling it? Teaching about forgiveness is far from child abuse. Deliberately withholding knowledge of forgiveness is educational deprivation, which should happen to no child.

I have your book, Forgiveness Is a Choice.  My question is this: Do I have to follow the 20 unit sequence in the exact order as you describe in the book?

This process model as describe in Forgiveness Is a Choice was not constructed to be a rigid model in which you have to follow the sequence in the exact order.  Some of the units will be irrelevant for you and so you can skip them.  Sometimes, as you are near the end of the forgiveness process, your anger re-emerges.  At that point it may be best to cycle back to the earlier units to once again examine and confront your anger.

Has forgiveness education in schools been studied scientifically and found to be useful?

Yes, there is evidence.  I actually answered this in another question posed to me here on October 29, 2022.  Here is that answer:

Yes, there now are scientifically-based forgiveness programs, many of which focus on stories and story characters who experience conflict and learn to resolve those conflicts.  The research shows that children and adolescents, when given a sufficient amount of time (12 or more weeks) to think about forgiveness, actually forgive to a deeper level than before they had these programs.  Here is a reference to a journal article showing this to be the case: Rapp, H., Wang Xu, J., & Enright, R.D. (2022). A meta-analysis of forgiveness education interventions’ effects on forgiveness and anger in children and adolescents. Child Development.

I am trying to find your journal article in which you worked on forgiveness therapy with men in a correctional institution.  I cannot find that article.  Would you please provide that reference?

Yes, here is that reference:

Yu, L., Gambaro, M., Song, J., Teslik, M., Song, M., Komoski, M.C., Wollner, B., & Enright, R.D. (2021). Forgiveness therapy in a maximum-security correctional institution: A randomized clinical trial. Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy. https://doi.org/10.1002/cpp.2583

Perseverance as the Missing Piece to Family, School, and Community Forgiveness

Having studied the psychology of forgiveness since 1985 and having helped plant forgiveness education in schools since 2002, I have come to realize that there is another moral virtue that needs to exist alongside forgiving if forgiveness is to mature in minds, hearts, and groups.  That virtue is perseverance, or the willed decision and action to keep going despite challenges and to not get distracted by other issues.  In the ethical treatise, Virtues and Vices (attributed to Aristotle, but possibly written by one of his followers), the virtue of perseverance or endurance is said to exist alongside the virtue of courage and daring.  I would add that perseverance will be a moral virtue as long as it is connected to both wisdom and justice (as well as courage) because it is good only if the goal to which people are dedicating a good part of their lives is fair and reasonable.  Persevering in bank robbery, for example, is vice not virtuous.

Perseverance is rarely discussed in modern society as we play with our gadgets and move from one forum to another.  This kind of quick movement is part of what the 17th century French philosopher, Blaise Pascal, in his masterful work, Pensées, refers to as diversion.  He challenged readers by saying that most people cannot endure even one hour alone in their own room without seeking new diversions.  If this was the case over four centuries ago, how much more might diversion be weakening our ability to engage in the moral virtue of perseverance now?

In an earlier blog, I related an interaction with Mr. Brian McParland of St. Vincent de Paul Primary School in Belfast, Northern Ireland in the fall semester of 2002.  Upon approving forgiveness education in his school, he told me that I would last only 3 years at this task because that is all the time anyone ever seems to give to new classroom initiatives.  In other words, people do not persevere.  I have seen the same in local groups that start forgiveness education programs with adults only to have them fade over time.  Yet, as Aristotle reminds us, and challenges us, it takes time to grow deeply in the moral virtues.  We do not become proficient in any moral virtue by giving it a try for a little while any more than we become physically fit by hitting the gym for a month and then going back to the couch and the potato chips.  It takes time and effort to become forgivingly fit.  It takes time to grow in the moral virtue of perseverance.

So, it seems to me that the first step in growing intra-personally in forgiveness, in aiding families and schools and local community organizations to grow in forgiveness is to openly and boldly and persistently discuss perseverance and the serious challenge all people face as they say, “Let’s hit the forgiveness gym!”  Without perseverance, we lose our forgiving fitness very soon.

Image by StockSnap.io/Caleb Woods

How much perseverance do we need to change the world?  It seems to me that we need to introduce students to forgiveness, without forcing them to forgive, from age 4 to age 18.  It seems to me that we need two generations, about 40 years, of forgiveness in communities to change those communities and to change community-to-community conflicts, even brutal conflicts that seem at present to have no end in sight.  Forty years?  Forty years when there will be new distractions, new shiny diversions?  Yes, and it is the teamwork of forgiveness and perseverance, and leaders who will take over for other leaders, that will win in the peace movement.  This combination of forgiveness and perseverance never has been tried anywhere in the world at any time in human history.  It is time.

With perseverance, we might just be able to bring forgiveness for good to a deeply wounded world.  Long live perseverance!  Long live forgiveness!