Tagged: “Forgiveness Education”
Is it selfish of me to forgive others for my own benefit?
There is a significant difference between what forgiveness is and why a person might be motivated to forgive. When you forgive others, you deliberately show some kind of goodness to that person. Therefore, forgiveness in its essence is for the other person. If you want to forgive for your own benefit, this is a consequence of forgiving. If you forgive to feel better, this is not dishonorable. You still are forgiving (in its essence) by being good to the other, and this is not a self-interested or selfish activity. Forgiving, for example, as a consequence of being free from anger, is not selfish either. Further, as you continue to forgive, your motivations may broaden so that your interest is not only self-care but also care for the one who acted unfairly.
Have you ever encountered a situation in which the one who supposedly offended makes the claim that no injustice occurred whatsoever? If so, how would the victims deal with that?
Those who are offended need not seek permission from the one who offended. The ones offended can go ahead unconditionally and forgive whenever they are ready. Further, if the offending person harshly insists that the offended person need not forgive, or even should not forgive, the offended person can go ahead and forgive the offending person, even for this. After all, such insistence may show disrespect and, if so, constitute a moral offense.
I have a fear of forgiving because I do not want to enter back into a working relationship with my abusive boss. I am ready to move on, but if I forgive, I might be tempted to stay in my current work position. What would you recommend?
Forgiveness and reconciliation are different. Reconciliation is a negotiation strategy in which two or more people come together again in mutual trust. If you cannot trust the boss, then you need not reconcile, even if you forgive. To forgive is a free-will choice to have mercy on your boss. You can do that from a distance, for example, by not harshly putting the boss down if your conversation moves in the direction of this current employment. You can begin to see the inherent worth of your boss and soften your heart toward the boss, even when you move to another position.
Thank you for letting me know of the information on person-to-person forgiveness in Genesis, chapters 37-45. I have a follow-up question for you: Did Joseph await an apology from his half-brothers, or did he proceed with forgiveness without one?
Joseph forgave his half-brothers unconditionally, without their apologizing to him. They did not recognize him because they thought he was a slave in Egypt, not the leader that he was.
From what you can tell, what are the oldest writings on person-to-person forgiveness that have been preserved to the present day?
The oldest preserved forgiveness writings are in the first book of the Hebrew Bible, in Genesis, chapters 37-45, in which Joseph forgives his half-brothers for attempted murder and selling him into slavery in Egypt.
