Tagged: “Forgiveness Education”
What do you mean about finding new purpose in a person’s life once forgiveness is accomplished?
Purpose in this case is a new goal for your life toward other people that may emerge once you know and appreciate the forgiveness process. As an example, some people develop a new goal of helping others to reduce their suffering. The forgivers, having explored their own suffering, become more attuned to the suffering of others. The forgivers then want to help others, who have been treated unjustly, to learn about and possibly practice forgiveness if they would like to do so.
You discuss “giving a gift to the offender” near the end of the Work Phase of forgiveness. Should I expect a sincere apology from the one toward whom I give this gift of kindness?
I do not recommend that you hold out the expectation of the other person’s apology. Otherwise, you might think of your forgiveness as incomplete. When you offer goodness to the one who hurt you, then you are doing the best you can with your forgiveness. Even if the other does not respond positively, you have forgiven. Therefore, I would not go into the forgiveness process expecting the apology. If it comes, that is good, but it is not necessary for you to go in peace.
If I have no pain, no anger about what another person did to me, is forgiveness even necessary?
Forgiving others is not all about the self and feeling better. As a moral virtue of being good to those who are not good to you, forgiving is valuable in and of itself. This is the case because all moral virtues, by definition, are good. So, if someone is unfair to you and you are ready to forgive, go ahead even if you have no residual anger or negative responses.
Has a person truly forgiven if anger emerges again when thinking about the one who misbehaved?
If the anger is going down to manageable levels and if the one who forgives can genuinely wish the other person well (to use an expression by the late Lewis Smedes), then it seems that forgiving is taking place. Sometimes not all of the anger leaves. Yet, as one person said to me, “My anger used to control me, but now I am in control of my anger.”
What would you suggest I do regarding a 6-year-old who is fuming over being bullied at school? How do I introduce forgiveness without imposing it?
We have forgiveness curriculum guides here at the International Forgiveness Institute, and the grade 1 guide might be a strong introduction for the 6-year-old. This first-grade guide slowly introduces the children to the concept of forgiveness, first by focusing on the inherent worth of all people. This slowly transcends to the idea that even those who behave badly have worth as persons. This does not mean that children then should automatically reconcile with those who are being hurtful. As the child learns about inherent worth through stories, you can slowly fold in the idea that the ones who are bullying have more to them than this behavior. At the same time, let the child know that the educators should be alerted to the bullying so that it can be addressed and stopped.
