Tagged: “Forgiveness Education”
If I have no pain, no anger about what another person did to me, is forgiveness even necessary?
Forgiving others is not all about the self and feeling better. As a moral virtue of being good to those who are not good to you, forgiving is valuable in and of itself. This is the case because all moral virtues, by definition, are good. So, if someone is unfair to you and you are ready to forgive, go ahead even if you have no residual anger or negative responses.
Has a person truly forgiven if anger emerges again when thinking about the one who misbehaved?
If the anger is going down to manageable levels and if the one who forgives can genuinely wish the other person well (to use an expression by the late Lewis Smedes), then it seems that forgiving is taking place. Sometimes not all of the anger leaves. Yet, as one person said to me, “My anger used to control me, but now I am in control of my anger.”
What would you suggest I do regarding a 6-year-old who is fuming over being bullied at school? How do I introduce forgiveness without imposing it?
We have forgiveness curriculum guides here at the International Forgiveness Institute, and the grade 1 guide might be a strong introduction for the 6-year-old. This first-grade guide slowly introduces the children to the concept of forgiveness, first by focusing on the inherent worth of all people. This slowly transcends to the idea that even those who behave badly have worth as persons. This does not mean that children then should automatically reconcile with those who are being hurtful. As the child learns about inherent worth through stories, you can slowly fold in the idea that the ones who are bullying have more to them than this behavior. At the same time, let the child know that the educators should be alerted to the bullying so that it can be addressed and stopped.
I have to admit that I get confused when I read the journal articles on forgiveness. The confusion primarily centers on the definition of forgiveness. It seems that no two authors can agree on what forgiving actually means. Can you help me sort this out so that I can settle on a comprehensive definition of forgiveness that makes sense?
Yes, I do understand your dilemma as you read journal articles on forgiveness. We now have an entire issue of the Journal of Theoretical and Philosophical Psychology (published in February 2025) in which we explore from both a philosophical and psychological perspective the definition of forgiveness. I hope the narrative in the first article of that special issue helps you to discern the accurate definition of forgiving.
Which of your self-help books would you recommend if I want to forgive myself?
In the book, 8 Keys to Forgiveness, one of the eight keys is self-forgiveness. In that chapter, I discuss the controversies surrounding self-forgiveness and offer advice on proceeding with it if the reader is ready to do so.
